Busi bling
Who’s got the keys?
In their haste to get to a late-night meeting to further their dreams of becoming the new government, Cope leaders managed to lock themselves out of their own building—no one remembered to bring the keys.
After kicking themselves in the car park for a while, they did what any self-respecting kitchen cabinet would do and went to a restaurant.
As always, Mbhazima saved the day.
Madam on her knees
There had to come a time for Tony Yengeni’s wife Lumka to be brought down to earth with a bump. The styling ANC national executive committee member fell to her knees in the red dust of Sonderwater in North West province during last weekend’s door-to-door campaign. Busi was generous enough to help her up, but was concerned to see that my sista in bling had sacrificed her beautiful knees rather than drop two expensive cellphones and the keys to her German sedan. She blamed the fact that she was not used to wearing flat shoes—a pair of snow-white sneakers. But the voters had other problems with the madam: like how she couldn’t answer their questions because she doesn’t speak Setswana. Maybe it was their dirty looks that brought her down.
Flying over potholes
At the ANC rally in Khutsong—the first one held there by the chief of the Alex mafia!—Paul Mashatile, who is also the Gauteng premier, gave a moving demonstration of why the township should return to the fold. So poor was service delivery while Khutsong was part of the North West, poor Paul didn’t dare drive his car on the badly potholed roads—he flew in on the ANC helicopter.
Future padding
Finally Busi can reveal concrete evidence that the Young Communist League and their peeps in the ANC are doing practical work to help poor women. Last week they launched a campaign to get health authorities to make sanitary towels free. YCL spokesman Castro Ngobese said they’re ready to “take the struggle forward”—presumably one month at a time.
“Sanitary towels should not be commodified and subjected to the whims of market fundamentals,” says Castro.
Eish brother, I don’t know about that. But can you stop the cramps I’m getting from laughing?
The Hel-cat’s meow
Busi’s still trying to pin down the rumour that aid packages to Zimbabwe have included Botox for Uncle Bob. If only he’d come clean like Helen of Woodstock. Once more German frau than Angel Merkel, just look at our Hel-cat now! There’s the wrinkle-free Botox forehead, but also the hot pink two-piece she wore at the Jozi launch of the DA’s manifesto. The light around her was so bright I had to grab my Guccis—or was that the reflection of her new highlights? But sistas, I don’t think she likes too much competition. When asked why her glamorous colleagues Sandra Botha and Sheila Camerer were leaving to become South Africa’s ambassadors behind the old Iron Curtain, Hel-cat meowed: they’re both in their 60s and about right to be put out to pasture. Busi hears Hel’s 58 — could this mean Helsinki here we come?
Ulundi’s Demi Moore
Is Mangosuthu taking Botox tips from Bob and Helen? At 80 the old man is turning into the Demi Moore of Ulundi. His face is enviably unlined and the chief looks better than most men half his age—including those who have more reason to sleep peacefully at night.
