Busi bling

Bolly big guns
Before his visit was aborted after an outcry by local rags, the ANC trumpeted the imminent arrival of Bollywood actor Sanjay Dutt to front its drive to garner the Indian vote in KwaZulu-Natal.

Hawu! Are the CV-checkers at Luthuli House on the tik again?

Alongside credits for films such as the comedy Munnabhai, Dutt has alleged mafia links and was convicted—after a trial that lasted 12 years—on weapon charges relating to the 1993 Mumbai bombings that killed 257 people. Apparently Dutt was in possession of three AK-56 rifles, a pistol and ammunition at the time.

Considering the current economic climate, maybe it was cheaper for the ANC to outsource the delivery of Jay-Zee’s mshini from India?

Rescue Reddy rides again
Busi hears businessman Vivian “Rescue” Reddy and Deputy Communications Minister Roy Padayachee were behind the efforts to bring Dutt to Durban.

What were they thinking? That a Bollywood big-cast song-and-dance routine would be enough of an opiate for the charou masses?

The girl who cried wolf
According to the Busi-vine, former deputy head girl of the country, Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka, had been in talks with Congress of the People (Cope) almost since the ANC breakaway party started.

On various occasions Phum-phum (as her family calls her) was due to come out of the closet and declare new loyalty to Cope. But each time she pulled back from making an announcement. By the time the dep-pres made up her mind—shortly after she learned that she wasn’t on the ANC’s election lists—the world had stopped caring. What was going to be a Big Reveal for Cope ended up as a one-liner in the Sunday Times—and not even on that back page they keep for the really sexy news. Phum-phum has learned the hard way what happens when you cry wolf too often.

Business-classy candidate
Cope’s latest premier candidate, Allan Boesak, is in a class of his own. He missed his own coming-out party held at the de luxe Michelangelo Hotel in Jozi because he couldn’t get a flight out from Cape Town in time. Couldn’t get a flight? On the most popular route in the country, serviced by seven airlines?

Busi found this hard to believe until she remembered the to-ing and fro-ing when the pastor came to Bloemfontein to join Cope’s inaugural conference.

The problem then was that Cope couldn’t get Boesak and his entourage business class seats to the congress. Perhaps they ran into the same seating problem again? Eish but flying without the extra legroom and free fizz would be too much. Cope’s foes say the party is too middle class, but that’s unfair: this party is seriously upper class.

Fight or flight?
At least Cope doesn’t hide its bling side. More worryingly, Busi notes that Young Communist League national secretary Buti Manamela sent out a reminder that he plans to address SAA workers on their bid for bigger salaries. Mini-me Manamela saw how much media coverage a similar visit won Julius Malema, so he wants to show copycat solidarity too. But isn’t Comrade Buti the one who jets around the world stretched out on the flat beds that SAA business class provides, sucking on his Johnny Walker Black while the SAA cabin crew works back-to-back shifts?

Mashatile moves Joburg!
Gauteng premier Paul Mashatile might need to do some door-to-door work to get to know his province again. The Alex homeboy answered smoothly when he was asked by the SABC how he felt about the defection of ANC stalwarts Saki Macozoma and Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka to Cope. “We are not worried, none of these people are from Gauteng.”

Last time Busi checked, Emmarentia (where Macozoma lives) and Morningside (where Mlambo-Ngcuka lives) are both suburbs in Johannesburg. Which, last time Busi checked, was in Gauteng. Geography not your top subject, buti?

Dirty nappies
Baby Ju Ju Malema might not get into the University of Johannesburg as a student with his matric results, but he still managed to have a bawl at an ANC Youth League campaign meet on campus there two weeks ago.

But he was having a Bad Metaphor Day and managed only a few quite tame insults, such as calling members of other parties “children in Pampers”, which from Ju Ju is almost a compliment. Given that he seems to be running out of ideas, what will he call Cope’s Youth wing? Sons of the Soiled?

Coke adds life to Kortbroek
Busi hears that when Environment Minister Marthinus van Schalkwyk goes to the high-level climate change negotiations, he always brings an extra delegate along—a can of Coke Zero. Fellow negotiators say while they go out for a smoke break, he opts for a Coke break. Busi supports any attempt to put the fizz back in those negotiations and keep the minister’s weight eco-friendly. Busi also hopes that when his wife tells him to take out the trash, he remembers to recycle.