Post-fuccboi glo is a real thrill

Ciara and Russel Wilson, whom she dated after a messy relationship with rapper Future. (Danny Moloshok/ Reuters)

Ciara and Russel Wilson, whom she dated after a messy relationship with rapper Future. (Danny Moloshok/ Reuters)

In the age of Tumblr, Twitter and Urban Dictionary, new words are being created weekly — from bae, fleek and slaying to throwing shade and catching Ls. These words dominate conversations in our online and offline lives. 

But, of all the buzz words I have picked up on social media, fuccboi has to be my favourite, mainly for its easily understood meaning and the reaction it evokes in most men, particularly among fuccbois.

The definition of fuccboi is widely contested. But the general consensus is that it describes a philandering man whose sole goal is to have sex with as many women as he can without committing to any of them. Before the existence of the term, there were no derogatory words to describe men who cheat (calling men “dogs” doesn’t sting), but there is a sufficient vocabulary for women — hoes, sluts, side chicks, bitches, thots — which is used and normalised.

Some have described a fuccboi as an unpleasant and rude man, one who denigrates women whenever he can. Slate magazine’s Jason Brogan sums up fuccboi in probably the most accurate way: “Everyone knows what fuccboi means. And no one knows what fuccboi means.”

To put it simply, a fuccboi is the kind of man everyone knows is bad for you, except you. Encountering a fuccboi is guaranteed to be an unpleasant experience. Being in a relationship with one is worse. Besides his philandering, which he masterfully lies about, he belittles you at every chance he gets, and insidiously makes you feel inadequate.

He makes you second-guess yourself, such as you waking up from a night at his place: “I’m pretty sure the toothbrush I left the last time I was here was pink; this one is green.” Him: “Nah, you must have looked at it wrong; it was definitely pink.” His responses can simultaneously wither and boost your self-confidence, and you soon begin to internalise the backhanded compliments he gives you.

It is hard to realise that you are in a relationship with a fuccboi until he leaves you high and dry — or until you realise that you deserve more than he is giving you. Why you stay so long with one in the first place is … complicated. With some, the sex is really good and he worships your punani. You know that he’s not going to call you all week. You know that he probably doesn’t know your surname or what you do, but when he beckons you, you go.

With others, you’re in the land of jackhammer sex and confusion. He’s the kind, if you’re a woman, who rolls over and passes out after his orgasm, with no concern for your pleasure. 

You stay because you’re lonely but, eventually, your intuition triumphs. The greatest perk of ending this kind of relationship is when your life starts flourishing due to the postfuccboi glow (PFG) that follows.

 This is when a person previously involved in a relationship with a fuccboi looks and feels better than they did before and even during that relationship. Your ass gets bigger. Your stomach gets flatter. Your skin glows and your hair thrives because you’re in “the glow”. 

After going through the break-up and becoming aware that you were in a bad relationship, you eventually realise how amazing you actually are. There are very few things better than a PFG — and for me, fuccboi amnesia is sitting comfortably at number one. This is one of the many benefits of a PFG. 

It happens when you meet a man who is not perfect but loves you just the way you want to be loved. He is not trying to “save” you, he doesn’t want to complete you, but he complements you in every way. 

This man sends you a bouquet of your favourite flowers just because he wants to, runs errands for you because you are too busy, helps you deal with your body anxieties, reminds you how intelligent you are and brings you supper at the office when you’re working late. 

Although you may initially be uncomfortable with this (because getting over a fuccboi is never easy), you start realising that #RelationshipGoals and #LoveLivesHere goes beyond romantic getaways at the beach and expensive “I am sorry” gifts. It is someone remembering that you told them about the time your father ran over your dog when you were five years old. It is creating new memories filled with laughter and joy. 

Fuccboi amnesia comes when you finally find someone who sees you — in the way the Na’vi people see each other in the film Avatar. It is easy to think a PFG or fuccboi amnesia are because of a man, but it is much more than that. 

It is a physical manifestation of realising your worth; it is a quest for self-love that is deeply rooted in introspection, healing and forgiveness — forgiving the fuccboi and, most importantly, forgiving yourself for staying with one in the first place. 

You glow because you have decluttered your personal space and are focusing on the things that make you love and make you happy. And, along the way, love may find you and give you a serious case of fuccboi amnesia.

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