President Jacob Zuma's new residence shall be known as Nkandla Palace, and not by any racist names, writes Khaya Dlanga.
There came a time in the most powerful and wealthiest land south of the equator, on a great landmass known as Africa, where a powerful ruler came to sit upon the iron throne to reign over the people. The one who sat on the throne also ruled over nine other realms, some of them called the Eastern Cape, Northern Cape, and Gauteng. He was a very delightful chap. He liked to sing and dance and the people liked this. He had many wonderful children from a few wives. In his third year on the throne of the most powerful country on his continent, there was a massive outcry in his land.
It was because he decided to build himself a residence with taxes collected by tax collectors from the people. It cost a lot of money. It was large. Many of his subjects could not call it humble. For them, it had all the graces of an arrogant abode. Some believed that at the front door, on the welcome mat on the floor there was probably an inscription written, "Welcome to my arrogant abode," perhaps with an image of the kindly ruler's laughing face on the mat as one entered his domain.
As he reigned over the land and built his massive abode, some had the audacity to call what he was building "Nkandlaville", "Zumaville", a "homestead" and a "compound". And so it was decreed at the city square by a man responsible for bringing news to citizens of this great land that the residence of first citizen shall not be called by any of those racist names.
Since it has been decreed that Nkandla**** would now no longer be called by any strange and racist names, perhaps Nkandla Palace is the way to go.
The gargantuan Nkandla Palace sprawled across the rolling hills, and not too far away from it were the compounds of the peasants. The Nkandla Palace had a network of underground tunnels, which some speculated was for the local peasant folks' children to play hide and seek in – the ruler was kind and generous.
One day, the queen who managed the lands on the West of Cape dared to challenge her ruler who sat on the iron throne. She was prevented from trespassing and desecrating consecrated territory when she led a march to the ruler's new home. In a bid to usurp the great king she and others would come with their racist white words such as: "corruption", "undue process", and so on in an attempt to make him who sat upon the throne look like a fool.
Since then the announcer of the news decreed unto the nation that his scripts would never ever again use the offensive words to describe his ginormous, modern Nkandla Palace.
It was not long before others wondered what else would follow since they were told what they would no longer hear on radio. Perhaps a new decree would follow suit to inform the citizens that each time the leader's name was mentioned it would have a suffix of some kind to ensure citizens continued to have a positive feeling about their leader. They would have to say, Zuma the Awesome, or Zuma the Magnificent. That way, we would never hear anything negative said about the ruler.