Special Reports

Iran captures US drone Walter Kowalksi (62)

Not the Mail & Guardian

Iran's Revolutionary Truth Brigade Media Agency confirmed on Tuesday that the Islamic republic has captured another American drone.

Walter Kowalski s reportedly being held in a soundproof cell to spare his guards the ordeal of hearing about his trip to Hawaii (AFP)

The drone, Walter Kowalski (62) of Gary, Indiana, is reportedly being held in a soundproof cell to spare his guards the ordeal of hearing about his trip to Hawaii last month with a trade delegation of Midwestern insurance salesmen.

According to Colonel Ahmad Askuout Firrakafi, the drone entered Iranian airspace on an Air Iran flight and was identified by a sharp-eyed air hostess who became aware of an alarming droning sound shortly after take-off.

"She quickly identified the source of the sound as a counter-revolutionary crashing bore and alerted the captain, who radioed the Iranian Air Force to escort the drone to the nearest airfield," he said.

Firrakafi confirmed that the air hostess had "briefly considered martyring the drone after the seventh time he told her that 'Iran looks just like Nevada from up here' by applying a stainless-steel milk jug to his head", but had decided to let authorities handle him instead.

He said that the drone would now be reverse-engineered. "Our scientists have the ability to construct a basic working drone, but we still don't know how the Americans make their drones so incredibly boring," he said. "They seem to carry a double payload: if the initial pleasantries about their families don't get you, their laborious comparisons of McDonald's with Burger King undoubtedly will."

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