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Motlanthe appointed headmaster of Hogwash School for Political Wizards

Not the Mail & Guardian

Kgalema Motlanthe has revealed that he has been appointed as headmaster of the new Hogwash School for Political Wizard-Cadres.

Kgalema Motlanthe. (Not the M&G)

Just weeks after his political career appeared to be over.

The school, accidentally built by the ministry of public works at a cost of R128-trillion, oversees the political education of talented young wizard-cadres, and its board of governors says it is delighted to have Motlanthe taking over as headmaster.

"Kgalema brings a wonderful air of mystery to everything he touches," said spokeswizard, Abbra K Dabra. "Sometimes he can speak for two hours, and nobody understands a single thing he's said. It's that aura of enigmatic confusion that we'd like our young cadres to absorb."

Dabra confirmed that Motlanthe would also take over teaching some subjects, such as Defence against the Dark Arts.

"At Hogwash we abbreviate Dark Arts to DA, so yes, Headmaster Kgalema will be helping our young cadres to ward off attacks by the DA."

Powerful spells
But, he said, many of the school's most powerful spells would still be taught by other staff members.

"Master Mantashe still handles the Attacko Ad Hominem spells, and Professor Maharaj will do his regular masterclass teaching the Scandalo Denialissimo charm."

Meanwhile, Helen Zille is facing a vote of no confidence from her party after it was revealed that she applied for a teaching post at Hogwash.

This morning a flustered Zille said to reporters that she had merely "wanted to know what it felt like to wear a pointy hat and not automatically be accused of being a member of the Ku Klux Klan".

"I've idolised Dame Maggie Smith ever since I saw 'Miss Jean Brodie versus the Skinhead Menace: First Blood Part 2'," she sobbed. "And when I saw her in 'Harry Potter', well, I just had to try."

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