/ 15 December 2016

‘You’re still you, we still accept you’: Xolela’s story

Xolela Vinqi
Xolela Vinqi

Xolela Vinqi moved from the small town of Alice in the Eastern Cape Province of South Africa to Johannesburg six years ago. “I moved to Johannesburg because I needed a job and as we know it’s called the City of Gold. When I got here, it was nice. You can imagine, coming from a small town to the big city … the hype, the lights, everything was overwhelming. I was happy, I got a job and in my mind I’m thinking that I’m close to making it.

“I was in a steady relationship with my ex-partner. We got serious and decided to stay together. We were happy, we were in love. One day I wanted to change a life insurance policy. I had to do an HIV test. In my mind I’m thinking ‘I’m ok. I know my status. I’m HIV negative.’ I forgot that we had discontinued condom use as we were loyal to each other. I got declined due to medical reasons. When I got the email I was at work. I literally went to the bathroom and cried because I knew that the medical reason was that I’m HIV positive. It was a shock to me. I took a screenshot and sent it to my partner. We talked about it when I got home; I was crying, he was crying. Because we knew what it meant. We locked ourselves indoors the whole weekend trying to make sense of it and how to move forward. When Monday came we went for a couple’s test and we were both diagnosed with HIV.” 

“To my surprise the CD4 count was very low. I was shocked because I thought that if I have the virus my CD4 count would be high. I thought to myself, ‘What am I going to do? I need to do go on treatment immediately.’ For a moment I thought it was the end of it. We sat with the counsellor and they explained everything to me and I started taking my antiretroviral medication. I had to tell my family. The first person I called was my sister and then I told my aunt. My family was very supportive. They said, ‘You’re still you, we still accept you, this doesn’t change anything.’ Because of the support I got from them, it was t easier to tell my friends. After that I told them at work. Everyone was welcoming, everyone was still the same. I didn’t experience any rejection. In fact they told me that they liked that I was vocal about it.” 

Xolela gets a lot of support from his friend, Nandipha. “Xolela, he’s my crazy friend, hey. We’ve been friends since 2010. We met at work. Since then the friendship has grown so much. When Xolela told me about his status … it was the person that he is. It wasn’t difficult for me to understand him because of the way he told me. It was not like we were sitting, you know, watching TV. Whereas we were walking and he told me like he has flu, you know how a person says ‘I have flu’, that’s how he told me. He didn’t even give me a chance to process the whole thing. I only did that afterwards. Xolela is never a person who feels sorry for himself. So for me it has been simple to support him all the way.” 

After his diagnosis, Xolela made life changes. “I stopped partying the whole night because now I’m thinking that is going to be too strenuous for my body, and also alcohol consumption. I remember when I started taking the medication I cut alcohol out completely and now I drink every once in a while. Also I pay attention to what I eat and try to drink more water as well. I’ve become a more responsible person and try to talk to friends to get tested… that they can still get their tests done and regardless of the result, life is still out there.

“When we are out and talking, mostly we talk about love and relationships and what we desire. I always make a point to talk to my friends about HIV and how important it is for one to know one’s status. And also never stop condom usage no matter how much you love or trust a person. I try to make an example out of my story.”

Xolela visits the Health4Men clinic in Yeoville, Johannesburg, to get his antiretroviral medicines and to monitor his CD4 count. Nicholas Khaula is a nurse at the clinic. “Culturally, we still have these attitudes towards men who have sex with men. It is something that we need to overcome, such thinking, and give proper information. There is a high HIV prevalence among men who have sex with men and if we just sit back we’re not going to get anywhere. From the men I see here at the clinic, I hear that some don’t want to come to the clinic because they are being stigmatised. As health care professionals we need to understand — we are trained about the human body, we must be trained about these things too.”

“Emotionally I am a more mature person. I can now relate to other people which I couldn’t do before. I am that one person who always avails myself to hear what the other person has to say. In the future, I see myself as a air traffic controller; I want to go back to school. I found my love in aviation. I see myself getting married, having kids and raising a family. I see myself happy and living a beautiful life.”