So, anyway, I was looking through various websites on the internet, trying to find some concrete information for a talk I had been invited to present on the occasion of the forty-fourth anniversary of Africa Day, May 25 2007.
The sacred anniversary had originally been called ”Africa Freedom Day”, when it was dedicated as such at the launch of the then brand-new Organisation of African Unity in the Ethiopian capital of Addis Ababa on that date in 1963. The heads of the African states that had already gained independence had gathered to remind each other, and the world at large, that the noble cause of African liberation from centuries of European colonialism was still unfinished business. Southern Africa, in particular, was then the major stumbling block to the achievement of this noble endeavour.
With the final dawning of the age of democracy in South Africa over three decades later, in 1994, this goal of achieving liberation seemed to have finally arrived. Long before that, however, the name of the celebrated anniversary had been discreetly amended to ”Africa Day”.
It sounded more modest, and at the same time more noble. It was a neutral enough way of describing an anniversary that could be looked at with some pride, but without too much commitment to a particular agenda — a day that could, if necessary, be all things to all Africans.
But as I say, I was browsing through reams of ponderous commentaries about the significance of Africa Day (none of them either interesting or enlightening), when I came across a link to a sub-website on one of those pages. This was for a site called ”Afrointroductions.com: the international African dating site”.
You have to admit that a sortie into that unexpected byway was called for, if only out of pure curiosity — in short, to try to understand the connection between the continent’s political history, and the more urgent business of internet dating, African-style.
I was not to be disappointed. Not because, among all those hazy photographs of women offering themselves for friendship and marriage, I had possibly found the girl of my dreams (and I wasn’t looking for her, anyway, before you leap to conclusions). It was because I had found a website that cut through the garbage of trying to make Africa seem like a continent of industrious, pious and committed citizens worthy of being taken seriously on the world stage.
It was back to basics, in African English. Or rather, as I was to discover, in African translations of how some intrepid African chose to interpret the most intimate desires of other Africans.
Most of the would-be brides, lovers, or pen pals are around 25 years old, have not much more than primary education, and are looking for well-established men with good prospects in the 25 to 35 age bracket. They hail predominantly from French-speaking West Africa, which explains why there are two versions of their deepest desires outlined on each entry.
For example, Solange comes from Abidjan in Côte d’Ivoire, is 173cm long, weighs 67kg, and says: ”Je cherche un homme seriuex et sincere qui veux vraiment fonder une fammile avec moi et qui veux faire du serieux. aussi un homme qui es vraimùent formidable.”
This, when supposedly translated into English, reads: ”I look for one man seriuex and sincere that wants really to be founded a fammile with me and that wants to do serieux. also one man that are tremendous vraimùent.” And so it goes on, for pages and pages of young women who come in various shades, shapes and sizes, and who universally describe themselves as ”attractive”, no matter what the photo is telling you to the contrary.
Then comes the odd exception. Viana stands out among the masses, because she has skin like alabaster and corn-coloured hair, and hails, as it turns out, from Cape Town. At 41 years of age, she too is game to join this lottery for full-blooded Africans, and is also more broadminded than her younger counterparts: she is interested in any serious man between 40 and 65.
In spite of the fact that she describes herself as English-speaking, the website goes like this: ”Original French: ‘I will describe myself as a peace loving person, my friends and colleagues call me a ”peace maker”. I am a very affectionate and emotional person who takes the problems of my loved ones personal, it hurts me to see people I care for go through pains or unhappy.”’
It then says: ”English translation: ‘I’s will describe myself have has peace loving person, my friends and colleagues calls has me ”peace maker”. I’s am has very affectionate and emotional person who takes the problems of my loved ones personal, it hurts me to itself people I’s for for go through bread now unhappy.”’
You have to think a bit hard about this one. But then it dawns on you that her reference to ”pains” has been translated from the French word pain, meaning, literally, bread. Ah so. Go figure.
The translator is obviously a Cameroonian or Nigerian who has an imperfect grasp of both English and French, but is gung ho about taking a stab at both for the greater good of clients of this supposedly lucrative website.
What a refreshing break from dry academics attempting to explain the significance of ”Africa Day” to the general public. The real Africa ignores the pompous posturing, and simply uses that powerful internet tool to get down to what matters — the true spirit of African Union.