/ 18 August 2016

Stand by for a call from the Dragon Slayer — once you’ve read his book, that is

Stand By For A Call From The Dragon Slayer — Once You’ve Read His Book, That Is

At 10.06am, Tony rolls in like a rock star with his indoor sunglasses and R2500 shoes. That’s what they cost in the Ferrari brand store downstairs in Sandton City, the exact pair of shoes he is wearing. There is no knowing how much his Ferrari jacket costs, because the store does not stock it.

“It may be a limited edition,” says a store clerk in a tone of awe after listening to a description of the jacket.

Getting back to Tony, he bursts into the room in a blaze of charisma, glad-handing everyone within reach and taking immediate and total control. He seems to conjure more staff out of thin air to do his bidding. When he speaks on his cellphone, he does not pace like a man, he stalks like a tiger. Even sitting motionless, he radiates potential energy that demands watching.

In the manner of the truly important, he seems to have no surname.

But Tony is not the one. He’s merely the one who comes before to prepare the way.

“Nah, I’m just an organiser,” he says later. “He’s a billionaire,” he adds, in the manner of one imparting a description that will enable physical recognition.

“He” is also four hours late for his own book launch. Then again, four hours is a short time to wait for someone who once ruled the world.

Getting the better of the Dragon

“I became the youngest earthly being to head the only secret organisation on Earth and outsmarted the Dragon,” 10Dollar writes in a sort of biographical introduction to his book, What the World and the Church Do Not Know nor Understand, which he, by most standards — such as sales and attendance — failed to launch on Saturday.

Then, 147 pages later, he rather spoils the whole thing by professing to have been mistaken when he thought he was the son of God.

“I told him that while growing up, I also had brief periods of belief that I was the Messiah,” 10Dollar recalls from a conversation he had with one of the most wanted drug dealers in the world, Nazario “El Chayo” Moreno Gonzalez of Mexico, “but the Messiah is the Spirit as a disguised earthly being.”

Therein lies an important pointer, because, about two-thirds of the way through the book, 10Dollar explains some of the powers that “a Spirit” would have on Earth. These include a “digestive system producing Pepsi”, and the ability to spew a trillion cells from the mouth “and each become 10 trillion earthly beings”.

Thus, his failure to produce 10-septillion people at his book launch is a strong argument against 10Dollar being the Messiah. What he produced instead was a staff of 35, and a handful of ultimately disappointed possible customers. When 15 of the staffers, young men in branded T-shirts, rustled up three potential book buyers by handing out flyers to nearby shoppers, they were turned away.

“Can I get a book?” asked the woman with tightly coiffed hair early in the morning. She could not. The books had not yet arrived.

“Where do I get a book?” asked the man in a hat a few hours later. He didn’t. The books had arrived but 10Dollar had not, and selling the book without the author would be a problem, though the nature of the problem could not be clearly explained.

By 5pm Tony takes pity and allows a single book to leave his control, despite 10Dollar’s continued absence. The R300 receipt for it, from one of the three manned but silent cash registers, claims to be number 000009, but the first transactions were tests to make sure the slips read “10 dola publishing”, a staffer confides.

The book is worth waiting for.

The potential of earthly beings

“To understand the full capacity of an earthly being, there must be murderers, cannibals, suicide bombers, billionaires, scientists, generals, liars, rapists, handicapped children, lepers, inventors, loyalists — every potential of an earthly being must be realised and every earthly being has come to play their role, so they cannot be judged, they represent the potential of the first earthly being.

“If earthly beings were given a choice before they made an entry as to what they wanted to be, everyone would choose their ideal image, but then who would be the other dimension of an earthly being? Julius Malema resides in his unit below mine in my favourite seafood environment and is constantly being judged, but deep inside his heart is a personality that truly has a passion for the poor unknown to most.”

There are nearly 300 pages of the same, in small type, behind the book cover that balances the Dalai Lama and Pope Francis with Hitler and Osama bin Laden. Parts of it bear out the promise of the book’s self-identification as “spirit/religion and science/occultism”: there will be a great struggle between the Spirit and the deceitful Dragon, and one will win. It is not immediately clear which, but science and its sinful Nobel prizes will definitely be destroyed.

Meanwhile, it is a good idea for “Team Spirit” to follow some basic rules, the most important of which seems to be marital fidelity. In return there are some clear benefits to being in Team Spirit, as is illustrated in the following transcript of an everyday job interview.

“CEO: ‘How much do you want for the accounting job?’

“Team Spirit: ‘Sir, for me, it is not primarily about income but to show you the importance of having a Team Spirit working in your establishment.’

“CEO: ‘You are a very different applicant and I will hire you.’”

All existing religions are, of course, either wrong or wicked — or both.

But there are notable departures from your run-of-the-mill spiritual texts — snippets of autobiography that reveal a secret history of the world.

Boko Haram leader Mohammed Yusuf, we learn, was undone by his “hankering for underage girls”. Were it not for that weakness, 10Dollar may have saved him from the Dragon during their conversations. Although, to be clear, 10Dollar could not take him seriously because of his “amusing” views on democracy and slavery.

Singer Fela Kuti was a worse example of Dragonism by far, what with the drinking of blood and beating of poor people, and the songs with lyrics of emancipation but music that, in secret code, exalts the Dragon.

10Dollar, it seems, could save neither. Nor will anyone ever know about his interactions with these important people because they were always in strict secrecy and all of them have, coincidentally, since died.

Sums that don’t add up

There are many in the world of spirituality and religion that preach only in order to enrich themselves, 10Dollar divulges in his book. This much is clear from incidents such as the time he considered buying a house that once belonged to Rhema Bible Church founder Ray McCauley for about $2-million.

Cynically classifying 10Dollar himself as one of “them” is impossible. His talent appears to be the opposite of making money, if Saturday’s launch at the swanky Michelangelo Hotel in Johannesburg is anything to go by. Spending R46 000 on newspaper advertisements, R20 000 to hire the venue, an estimated R25 000 in staff costs, and the printing of flyers, branded flip-flops, branded balloons, branded coffee mugs, the branded cake and T-shirts in five different colours all translated into one confirmed R300 sale.

10Dollar is not concerned, Tony says. “There are 300-million books going to America. This book is for America. I don’t even know why he is launching it here.”

Other clues as to why he would not be focused on sales are scattered, but they are compelling in sum.

“I think he has family in Nigeria,” says one Sandton shopkeeper. Another connects 10Dollar to a local school. Hotel staff are tight-lipped, but one lets slip the name of an airline. The book itself provides clues in throwaway lines: an elder brother who recently met Bill Gates, once a neighbour of Nigerian state governor Saminu Turaki. And the big one: “Everybody knows me as 10Dollar, but my other name is Olumuyiwa … I am not only from a family that ranks among the wealthiest on Planet Earth, according to Forbes, but I am the only Star from the family.”

Those related to Olumuyiwa Otedola, the younger son of the one-time governor of the Nigerian state of Lagos, Sir Michael Otedola, may care to differ. They include brother Femi Otedola, with a fortune still worth well north of $1-billion despite recent market troubles, or niece Florence Otedola, better known as DJ Cuppy when she appears on the pages of Cosmopolitan magazine or documents her life for the Huffington Post.

Then again, such earthly things are as nothing, 10Dollar teaches us.

“When you have the Spirit, you are the most valuable earthly being on Earth. Spirit has inestimable value and everything else is valueless — including you — if the Spirit is not in your possession, irrespective of your position (United States president), possession (a Forbes or Fortune 100 leader) and power or influence (Time’s most influential) on Earth.”

10Dollar is not interested in the press, Tony says, but maybe he will grant an interview some day.

“When you understand the book he will know, he will call you,” Tony says, then pauses.

“It may take you some time.”