Don't victimise rape victims
Moloto became aware of this "horrifying" attitude at a screening of a film in which 14-year-old Annie meets an online friend, finds out that he is really 35, but goes to his hotel room and is manipulated into having sex. Most of the young people at the screening (Grades 10-12) said Annie hadn't been raped and was "stupid". This is what Moloto found horrifying.
Moloto's horror isn't uncommon. Dan Plato, the MEC for safety and security in the Western Cape, was castigated recently for trying to tell young girls to take care and stay safe, instead of "telling men not to rape". But is that fair?
I do feel immense sympathy for all rape victims, but especially for young, drunk-with-strangers, underdressed, foolish ones. And I don't think they "deserve" it if they get raped, however drunk or underdressed. You don't tell someone who's lying in hospital, having been attacked in their home, that they "deserved" it because they didn't have an electric fence.
Yet I still think it's better not to go to dangerous areas, get drunk, dress skimpily and/or go off with strangers – and to tell young girls and women to be sensible and to manage risk. If you left your wallet and laptop in your unlocked car on the street and the predictable happened, would you expect sympathy or would you be embarrassed for being such a fool? Would you cry only that people shouldn't steal?
I am amazed, puzzled and bothered by this attitude, which is held by a large number of intelligent people. It was only when I started thinking about another taboo question (why African Americans have such a high rate of crime and poverty and a low rate of educational achievement compared with other American minorities), that I began to see why such attitudes persist. It is because if you admit anything, hinting that one group might, on average, be less or more anything (more impulsive or aggressive, less intelligent or adapted to traditional American education), it's not a slippery slope, it's a fun slide for racists.
The barrier against any form of "victim-blaming" unfortunately includes risk management, or what I would call the hardy self-reliance and personal accountability displayed by the schoolboys and girls who said Annie was "stupid".
Generally speaking, women intuitively know when and where it is safe to behave in certain ways. A young account director, for instance, will dress differently at the AfrikaBurn festival and the office. There isn't a definite, unchanging line about what may or may not safely be said or done. It depends on context: the place, the culture of the group, its age, whether it's public or private, or somewhere between the two.
I hope that those who condemn "victim-blaming" and are parents privately discourage their daughters from risky behaviour instead of encouraging them to claim their rights to dress and behave as they wish and where they wish. Perhaps there is a kind of group intelligence operating: everybody knows that young girls shouldn't dress skimpily, get rat-faced and go off with strange jocks. But everyone has, similarly, agreed not to say it out loud. – Catherine Harrison