Guts and gore=20 * THE Democratic Party has been advertising itself for =20 the local elections as the party with ”the guts to =20 speak out”. The manne in the bar have been wondering =20 whether this has any connection to the DP candidate in =20 Brixton, Johannesburg, having the surname Gore.=20
But whatever idle gossip the DP campaign may have =20 provoked in the bar, for sheer cheek you can’t beat the =20 IFP, whose latest slogan reads: ”Vote IFP — anything =20 else is ANC”. The Dorsbult branch of the Conservative =20 Party has not yet deigned to comment.=20
Swazi slot=20 * THE story of the Swaziland ghosts continues. Earlier =20 this week, the country’s former prime minister, Prince =20 Bhekimpi Dlamini, announced he needs the services of a =20 prophet or powerful sangoma to exorcise kraals of =20 zombies who had defied the efforts of political =20 activist Mphandlana Shongwe who had previously offered =20 to get rid of the ghosts. The ghosts were continuing to =20 attack Bhekimpi while he was herding cattle.=20
”They (the zombies) just ignored Shongwe and continued =20 terrifying my subjects,” Bhekimpi said. ”We now need =20 the services of a real strong traditional healer.”=20
Bhekimpi said the zombies had taken over the home of =20 Thandiwe Kunene and destroyed her pigs and chickens. =20 ”If anyone tries to interfere with them, they attack =20 with stones and other missiles,” he said.=20
However, help may be at hand in the form of OJ Madikong =20 of the Demon Fighting and Spiritual Healing Ministry in =20 Mmabatho in North-West Province, who heard of the =20 chief’s woes on a radio news report and offered his =20 services. =20
Madikong believes he will succeed where Shongwe did =20 not. He said he specialised in ”keeping demons out of =20 people’s lives” and was willing to go to Bhekimpi’s =20 area to ”cast the demons out of the place”. =20
Madikong claims to have four years’ experience in =20 fighting demons. It all started after ”my body was =20 riddled with bullets in an attempt to kill me for =20 posing a threat to the devilish kingdom”. Madikong =20 apparently runs a ”spiritual surgery”, helping people =20 whose problems range from satanism and marriage =20 difficulties to drink, drugs and witchcraft. =20
After all that, the only thing that surprises Oom =20 Krisjan is that no one has yet gone into business as a =20 R500-an-hour spiritual consultant. Watch this space.=20
RDP dreaming=20 * AT last, some skinner from the visdorpie again … =20 Jay Naidoo was part of a delegation that visited the =20 offices of the Cape Times this week. After their =20 departure, the people at the newspaper received a phone =20 call from Jay’s office saying one of the ministerial =20 bodyguards had gone missing, and had they seen him?=20
The bodyguard was found asleep in a corner of the =20
Which hunt?=20 * WHILE other newspaper editors have been clamouring =20 for the inclusion of a ”whistleblower” clause in the =20 Open Democracy Bill, The Star’s political editor Kaizer =20 Nyatsumba is single-mindedly trying to root out the =20 person who leaked two of the newspaper’s internal =20 memoranda to the ANC.=20
As At Naude remarked, there’s nothing like transparency =20 — provided that it’s someone else’s information that’s =20
Krisjan’s klippings=20 * MISSILES made to frighten the Soviet Union’s enemies =20 could wind up scaring off crows in Russian gardens.=20
The command of an army anti-aircraft unit near =20 Cherepovets, 375 km north of Moscow, put an ad in the =20 local newspaper offering decommissioned missiles for =20 sale, the ITAR-Tass news agency reported.=20
The ad suggested the missiles — their fuel and =20 ammunition replaced by sand — could be used as =20 scarecrows in gardens.=20
The newspaper, Rech, said the command was unable to =20 guard the old weapons and they were in danger of being =20
”If any (arms) merchants agree to buy the missiles, the =20 military is ready to pour the sand out at its own =20 expense,” Rech said. — Sapa=20