Krisjan Lemmer
Wear shades, the future’s so bright
A South African man with a dream of a=20 bright future is about as scarce as a=20 politician driving a VW nowadays. Or so we=20 thought, until someone showed us a speech=20 made by the rector and vice-chancellor of=20 the University of Zululand, Professor CRM=20 Dlamini. What a oke!
He says: “I have a dream and a vision that=20 the University of Zululand shall be the=20 university of the future. A university of=20 the future has to be financially viable and=20 strong. A few years ago I said we need to=20 raise an endowment fund for the university.=20 It shall be done.=20
“It is my dream that this endowment fund=20 should be the biggest of all the=20 universities in this country. While others=20 will be struggling, and even collapsing, it=20 shall stand firm and unshakable. It shall=20 indeed be the university of the future.
“Whatever politicians may think, whatever=20 cynics may plot, this is the university of=20 the future. Wise men and women shall come=20 to see this dream come true. They shall=20 marvel at the ugly duckling that has=20 blossomed into a huge and attractive duck=20 … “
This man is not swanning around, that’s for=20 sure.
Spooky stories=20
* Any of you ouens who’ve been in the=20 Dorsbult Bar know that it’s the lekkerste=20 place in the whole country to have a beer=20 and feel very, very satisfied. Right? So=20 you won’t believe the top secret report=20 sent to the Dorsbult by a journalist who=20 claimed he found a better bar this week. In=20 the visdorpie nogal. Read this and, like=20 Dennis says, you be the judge:
“Spies exposed their home base to media=20 scrutiny this week. They had a cocktail=20 party in their own private bar [address=20 deleted].
“It seems the media misread South Africa’s=20 intelligence service. They must have spent=20 the last 20 years on the beaches,=20 collecting driftwood and flotsam and jetsam=20 for their bar. There is a collection of old=20 teaspoons and broken crockery and a large=20 selection of nautical headgear on the=20 walls.
“To crown it all, the actual bar was in an=20 old fishing boat they bought on the West=20 Coast for R1 and put together in the=20 Suidooster Bar. There was a sprinkling of=20 mermaids, approximately 25 to each spy=20 present, and a lot of booze and food was=20 left over after the function.”
And they want to take us on? Did you read=20 the part about how they hardly drank=20 anything? The Suidooster can blast as hard=20 as it wants, but the Dorsbult is still=20 standing strong.
In Parliament this week=20
* Welcome back, members of parliament. This=20 column was getting a bit droog without=20 stories from the house. To show how non- sexist the Dorsbult Bar gallery really is,=20 we’ll start off with what our female=20 elected leaders got up to in the first week=20 of the 1997 session.
The Ad-hoc Committee on the Status of Women=20 had a briefing this week on the steps taken=20 by the government to improve the plight of=20 women.=20
Deputy Minister of Justice Mandla=20 Shabalala’s input was so gripping that the=20 National Party’s Sheila Camerer spent=20 almost the entire time fixing her lipstick=20 and her hair. Mooi so, Sheila!