A middle class, wrote Clive James, is the first thing any society has to build and the last thing it can do without. It should not take James to point that out, talented man that he is, but he did it very nicely. Which brings us to Wimbledon.
The world’s greatest tennis tournament opened this week with the annual jeers ringing in the ears of the dears who attend. No change, then. There are some people who cannot take Wimbledon for what it is, a competition designed to find out which man and which lady can ping a tennis ball across a grass court with least resistance.
For these grumblers (the sort of people who would willingly walk a mile to be insulted), the fortnight will bring disturbing visions of an England they would prefer to forget: a kind of public school without the sado-masochism. Strawberries and cream, champers between sets and odd folk who say ‘please†and ‘thank youâ€. Whatever next: a midnight feast? And those hordes of middle-aged women screaming for ‘our†chaps, who haven’t worn a thing since the old king died. It’s so twee, so uncool (‘coolness†being the height of urban sophistication), so … middle class.
This, of course, comes from the lips and pens of those who are themselves solidly middle class, even if they do not care to admit it. Out of politeness we can establish some common ground with these sceptics.
Champagne is the most overrated drink in the world, often consumed (in the United Kingdom, at least) by vulgarians. The strawberries in London’s south-west district are expensive, as most victuals tend to be at sports events, and the shrieks and wails of the pony club set can be extremely tiresome.
But you are not going to indict people for that, are you? Evidently some folk will show no mercy. One well-known (and accomplished) sports writer, who lives in south London, will set foot in Wimbledon only with a peg over his nose. Last week another, new to the trade and so keen to make a splash, lambasted what he called ‘English attitudes†— ‘British†surely? — towards queueing and tolerating losers. To answer the first point, it is customary to queue to get into public events. No major tournament has ever taken place without spectators lining up and, if you have to wait a bit, you may as well pass the time by keeping your spirits up.
But no, this is far too English, like sending boys up chimneys or dancing round the maypole. As for tolerating losers, well, where does one begin? Put it this way: where would we be if the only thing that mattered in life was strength and the vanquished were to be named and shamed for their supposed weakness?
Better to tolerate ‘losers†than glorify the cult of Man and Superman. It would be offensive if the Wimbledon crowd turned on overseas players for having the temerity to beat British players, but they don’t.
They cheer the locals on until they go out, and then stay to salute the ones who go on to glory. That indicates a mature attitude towards sport, which is only a pleasant distraction from the more serious business of life. There is a fair point to be made about the miserable performance of British tennis players, considering the amount of money Wimbledon generates. There may once have been a point to make about the apparent stuffiness of Wimbledon, which is now a more relaxed place to play and watch tennis.
But those were never reasons to deride the likes of Tim Henman, because he happened to be a well brought-up lad from Oxfordshire who was never quite good enough to win the tournament.
Some people even mocked his parents for not showing enough ’emotion†when they watched him. Perhaps Henman should have covered his body with painted symbols, given his children batty names or blubbed in public — ’emotional literacy†or whatever they call it — then he would have been regarded as a ‘character†and invited on to late-night chat shows.
Thank goodness he escaped that. Wimbledon does not need champagne, nor punnets of strawberries, nor the ra-ras from the shires, nor the sneers of metropolitan smarties. It is a tennis tournament, the best in the world, as the world is happy to acknowledge. —