Deputy President Baleka Mbete has a lot on her mind. With South Africa’s most famous blue rinse, Evita Bezuidenhout, registering her own political party in Cape Town on Friday, Mbete will have serious competition in the Very Large Kopdoek department.
Interviewed on the eve of the launch of the Evita’s People’s Party (EPP), the candidate told the Mail & Guardian: ”Tannie is very Baleka-baroque, but I’m not here to play silly buggers. The vote is sacred. People died for the right to vote and that’s Evita’s message: I’m here to protect the Constitution against people such as Julius Malema who make Eugene Terre’Blanche look like a liberal democrat. I want to enthuse people to vote again.”
Having spoken to more than a million-and-a-half citizens in the run-up to the last election during her voter-education roadshow, ”From Parow to Polokwane”, Bezuidenhout has decided it’s time to step into the lion’s den.
”Tannie is gatvol about being the crumbs on the floor during every election. Now’s the time to be the loaf on the table. We’re all so tired of the ANC’s squabbles in the kitchen while we should be focusing on the dining room of democracy,” said South Africa’s most beloved former homeland-diplomat this week.
On Friday the EPP was launched at Cape Town’s International Convention Centre. Amazingly, several of the country’s most influential women politicians from competing parties were expected on stage to endorse their new rival’s participation in next year’s general election.
Mayor of Cape Town and leader of the opposition Helen Zille, leader of the Independent Democrats, Patricia de Lille and ANC communication Rottweiler Jesse Duarte planned to attend the EPP’s launch to endorse her ”iBez 4 Prez” campaign.
Bezuidenhout will hand over her R500 registration fee and list of 50 ”real and alive” people to the Independent Electoral Commission. The EPP’s campaign HQ will be in her home-dorpie, Darling.
”Oh, I can’t wait. I have heard that a party called ‘The Coloureds Are Coming’ has also registered to participate in the election.
”In South Africa we don’t follow some blueprint for survival. We are the blueprint. Only we would swap a former president with a degree in economics and the vision of an African renaissance for a possible future president with standard three and a machine gun in his song. Jacob Zuma still has a few months in which to find his Umshini Wami. Meanwhile: the nation is fine,” Bezuidenhout said.
Cactus
The EPP’s election symbol is the cactus. ”Tannie is not always certain about the difference between a cactus and a caucus, but I do know that with a cactus, the pricks are on the outside,” she said.
For her State of the Nation speech Bezuidenhout plans to talk about the Mbeki years. ”Once I got over the shock that the name ‘Thabo’ was an anagram for ‘Botha’, I realised that this was not just politics as usual.
”Thabo Mbeki had been planning his campaign for 30 years, sipping whisky in a Brighton hotel. But as an eventual graduate from the University of Moscow and a Stalinist cum laude, he soon cut our democratic foot to fit his authoritarian shoe. The rich got richer and the poor just became a statistic. ‘Ignore them and they will go away’ was the shrug of commitment from ama-Tshwane, and they did go away in spite of the generous helpings of beetroot, African potatoes and garlic,” Bezuidenhout said.
”His speeches were legendary. They overwhelmed me with their brilliance. I never knew what he meant, but he said it so nicely, quoting from Shakespeare, Woolworths and the Thesaurus.
”The nation is fine. President Kgalema Motlanthe is a man of few press clippings. I have always called him by his third name, Petrus. That’s the only headache for me. After months of twisting my tongue round Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka, Nozizwe Madlala-Routledge, Nkosazana Dlamini-Zuma, I now have to work on Buyelwa Sonjica, Siyabonga Cwele, Nathi Mthethwa — (Hell, we were lucky with Tutu!)
”And as for Zuma? He is always there to remind us that democracy gives everyone a chance to enjoy the shower of acclaim.”
Bezuidenhout said she’s registering to participate in the election because there’s not enough conversation. Describing her attitude as ”glass half full,” she said she will tell voters that, despite Eskom’s power cuts, ”the country is still half lit”.
”I feel, now more than ever before that I need to be there to keep an eye on the Constitution and on our democracy and I need to remind everybody that the people must lead and the government follow.
”I love this country. Where else in the world would you get a woman who doesn’t exist launching a political party and taking part in a general election?”
Tannie Evita’s manifesto
- When I’m the president, I will tax all 4×4 vehicles. If women weighing less than 60kg drive them, I will tax them double.
- I will rebuild all the 2010 soccer stadiums at the various airports so that all fans can come in and out of the country, watch their soccer, without anybody getting raped, robbed and murdered.
- I will put crèches in the old-age homes so that the old people can take care of the children.
- I will tell the Americans that I love Barack Obama and if they don’t want him, we will have him back, thank you. I will also let them know that Sarah Palin is actually a Spice Girl.
- The ANC is in such trouble these days that ANC stands for ”A Nice Cheque”. Tannie will help them.
- There’s a lot of struggle tsotsis and political pirates out there. We now have freedom of speech but very little speech. Tannie can help on this score.