Paul Kerton
Body Language
Your partner’s body will change but it doesn’t mean that you should give up sex. As her tummy develops, it can become quite a beautiful erogenous zone in itself. And I don’t know of any man alive who has ever complained when his partner’s breasts increased by a size or two.
You need to communicate your lust and desire to your partner. That means acting as if nothing has changed. Be your normal, horny self and stop treating her like a china doll.
She’ll invariably be feeling a slight knock to her self-esteem and libido and will be conscious of the fact that she isn’t the lithe, shapely thing she was several months ago. She’ll worry that you don’t fancy her. She might even wrongly assume that you’ve stopped wanting to have sex with her.
Clearly, things have changed and there’s no denying that this affects your attitude to sex. Men sometimes now begin to think of the sex organs in terms of their pure biological function. The clinical reality overpowers the erotic fantasy, which can cause confusion.
Some men feel that to start banging about as they used to do would somehow harm the baby. This is complete bollocks. The baby is well protected from anything you can do, big boy.
But any hesitation conveys the wrong signals to your partner and if you’re not careful this can rapidly lead to that sexual Mexican stand-off where each of you is tip-toeing around the other, avoiding the issue of sex. It’s the classic I-didn’t-think-you-wanted-to trap.
You both need to make a supreme effort but you, buddy, will need to drive it.
Tricks to turn her on:
l Buy her some outrageously sexy lingerie. She’ll need a new bra to accommodate the arrival of her extra flesh anyway, so go mad and buy her a pretty, sexy lacy one. Add a sexy pair of knickers, and stockings and suspenders. Make her dress up and then act as if Uma Thurman has just dropped into your living room.
l Treat her like a sex object. Worship her sexiness. Try some sexual experience that you’ve never had the courage to try before. Tie her up, have sex between her breasts, role-play. The thinking is, if she thinks she’s hot enough for you to try wild things, especially those you’ve never tried before, then she must still be sexy.
l Pamper her. Bathe her in a scented bath with candles, soft music and all the works, and then massage her lovingly. Work up to a crescendo of wild lovemaking.
l Send her little gifts or cards. A card can convey many different messages, from reassuring (“I’m so glad we’re having a baby together; you’re going to be a fantastic mother”) to downright lewd (“I’ve been thinking about you all day and tonight I want to make mad passionate love to you”).
l Be proactive. Don’t wait for her to make the first move. Make like you can’t keep your hands off her.
l Get on down. Women can sometimes feel funny about their bodies and project all sorts of insecurity on to you. There’s nothing quite like the act of performing oral sex on her to eradicate any feeling of insecurity.
l After her bath, suck her toes, nibble her ankles and move up her body. She’ll love you forever.
l Be adventurous. Have sex anywhere but the bedroom. You need to make her feel special, show that you’re still excited about touching her and making love to her. Spontaneous eruptions of sexual activity convey an urgency and a rampant desire that you don’t always get in the bedroom, where undressing and preparations for bed often kill the mood. Take her in the car, over the sofa, in the office.
l Alternate responsibility for sex. Sex is play. Sex is theatre. So make it a game and take it in turns to set the rules. Monday it’s your turn. You’re allowed to do whatever you want. Tuesday it’s her choice, from how she initiates sex to what position, where and what props to use. No holds barred. No time to be shy. Lots of fun.
l Use cosmetics as an excuse to get touchy-feely. Rubbing lotion into her body the breasts, bottom, tummy and inner thighs on the pretext of guarding against stretch marks is a great way of getting intimate. And it soon becomes erotic as you go lower towards her crotch.
l Watch a raunchy video or read a naughty book. It could be something filthy and disgusting with a twist like Delivery Room Nurses Get Busy with Frank or something tame but horny like 9 1/2 Weeks. Whichever, this is just a prelude to the real thing.
l Go away to a hotel. Chances are you won’t be having dirty weekend for a long while so do it while you can. It may seem extravagant given the impending cost of the baby, but a decent dinner in a charming hotel and a sumptuous room to retire to will do wonders for your sex life.
l Tell her you love her, repeatedly. Telling a woman you love her or want to shag her until she turns blue are things we men have great difficulty with. We tend to think we only have to say the magic words “I love you” once and that’s it, forever. Women don’t work like that. If you don’t tell them at least once a day, and keep reminding them, they automatically assume that you don’t love them anymore. And fear the worst.
Extracted from Fab Dad A Man’s Guide To Fathering by Paul Kerton, published by The Spearhead Press, on sale at all major bookstores for R79,95