The Reserve Bank
Appearance: Gotham City meets Sun City. Filled with minions performing arcane rituals.
Not to be confused with: Your neighbourhood bank. The Reserve Bank is the unfriendly one that makes esoteric statements from afar about gold, foreign exchange, money supply, inflation, and what is left of the Rand.
Most famous for? Interrupting Friday night happy hour with a surprise announcement of another interest-rate
Status: Guardian of the currency. Independent — whatever that means. It has just won a somewhat heated contest to have this written into the Constitution.
And so? Governments may come and go, but it will always be there telling us to be more thrifty – even if it scorns the idea.
How’s that? The Pretoria ebony tower ‘s reception area is big enough to park a Boeing. It’s new Johannesburg home is lavish with copper roof and lashings of dark green marble.
Aesthetic architecture then? It is living proof that money can’t buy style. The Newtown post-modern monstrosity has revived street rumours that the former government lied about hanging people and instead hid them away as slaves to mint our money — and that the building is being constructed as a fortress so these people can still be ferreted away.
Most annoying personality trait? It’s gloomy outlook on life. Even when things look rosy — like an encouraging spurt in economic growth — it’s carping in the background about overheating.
Alternative most annoying personality trait? It is a dreadful party pooper. Invite it for dinner, pop a bottle of Mo`t et Chandon to celebrate, and it will urge fiscal rectitude on you. Mention your attempt to duplicate Imelda Marcos’ shoe collection and it will suggest sniffily that you stop dissaving.
Contribution to the RDP? If that’s the Redistribution of Debt Project, it is not a Reserve Bank scheme. It belongs to shops like Woolworths and Pick ‘n Pay who are spreading an illusion of wealth around by giving away credit despite Bank pleas to tighten our belts.
A typical Reserve Bank statement? “Ominous signals have come from changes in the growth in financial aggregates and the yield-curve shape. Despite growth there are structural weaknesses constraining the economy and unless we move to a more stable financial climate there is a need to react to market forces and shift to a more restrictive monetary policy.”
Which means? “Interest rates are going up.”