Krisjan Lemmer
The Mail & Guardian’s freelance sports writer Julian Drew, on his way to watch Bafana Bafana in Marseille last week, was a little startled to be approached by our very own Felicia Mabuza-Not-So-Subtle with an offer of two tickets for the match at the knock-down price of R1 000 each – a mark-up of about 400%. When Drew identified himself as a South African newspaperman, Not-So-Subtle – who appeared to be in the company of former Gauteng premier, Tokyo Sexwale – hurriedly offered them for free. That’s jolly decent of you, Felicia!
Oom Krisjan must confess to having had difficulty concentrating on the soccer this week, having imbibed deeply of witblits in a desperate attempt to shake off the angst engendered by last week’s Truth and Reconciliation Commission hearings into South Africa’s chemical and biological weapons programme.
It was not much help: waiting at the bottom of each glass was the haunting figure of the mastermind of the programme, Dr Wouter Basson, resplendent in a Madiba shirt, in African National Congress colours nogal. When 702 inquired why he was wearing it at the hearings, he replied: “It helps to back a winner.”
To think that our national security was once in the hands of a man who did not understand that to back a horse you have to lay your bet before they pass the finishing post!
Mind you, Minister of Defence Joe Modise did give him a job …
But quote of the decade, which came too late for inclusion in last week’s Lemmer, was from Daan Goosen, the former chief executive of that devil’s kitchen known as the Roodeplaat Research Laboratory.
He recalled to the commission how, at one stage – revelling in a luxury car and three- storey house he had built himself with the help of the taxpayer – he noticed that Basson was not sharing in the good life and inquired why he was doing it, if not for the money.
Apparently Basson answered: “I have one daughter, and one day when the black people take over the country and my daughter asks me: `Daddy, what did you do to prevent this?’ my conscience will be clear.”
Any witblits left in that bottle, Oom Schalk?
Basson, of course, was not only the master- mind behind Roodeplaat, but as personal physician to PW Botha also had our state president’s health to worry about.
Which brings to mind an item in a Sunday Times gossip column recently which described how Botha, during his court appearance, stood staring for “several minutes” at Alex Boraine, the deputy chair of the truth commission. “It was very odd,” said Boraine.
The item seems to have been an attempt to call attention to the open secret that Botha never recovered from his stroke and that truth commission chair Desmond Tutu’s frantic attempts to avoid the prosecution reflects an archbishop’s anxiety at the prospect of being called to account by his God for publicly baiting a brain-damaged man.
It reminds one of the story from the United States of Ronald Reagan peering across his sitting room at former secretary of state George Schultz and then turning and whispering to Nancy: “Do we know that man?”
Alzheimer’s, of course, was only diagnosed after Reagan’s retirement. But if one recalls some of the bewildering statements he made during his presidency, one cannot help but wonder whether the brain damage was not an earlier problem. Like the times he told the good people of Brazil how happy he was to be in Bolivia, presented Princess Di as “Princess David”, informed the Israelis that he had personally helped liberate the concentration camps (he was confusing reality with a film he had played in) and alarmed the world with the announcement that pollution was the fault of trees, because they gave off carbon dioxide.
It all provides a strong case for a constitutional amendment requiring our heads of state to undergo regular checks on their mental functions. But this time please let us have a neurologist, rather than a cardiologist, in attendance. And preferably one who is not brain-damaged himself.
Oom Krisjan (in one of his many guises) last week popped into the hearing being held by Public Protector Selby Baqwa, into the fight between Minister of Minerals and Energy Penuell Maduna and Auditor General Henri Kleuver. The visit was motivated by a tip-off that some juicy evidence was being heard about the ubiquitous Emanuel Shaw II as well as the role allegedly played by Brian Casey, the acting general manager of the Strategic Oil Fund, as Maduna’s in-house spy.
The arrival of a representative of the M&G apparently did not go unnoticed. Casey and his counsel promptly disappeared with the public protector. Two hours later the inquiry re-assembled to hear Casey’s lawyers make formal application for the proceedings to be held in camera. “Is it because you fear for your personal safety?” suggested the public protector helpfully. Casey’s counsel agreed this was indeed the case.
The M&G and Beeld – the only newspapers there – were duly turfed out. The next morning, street posters for Business Report – the business supplement published by Independent Group newspapers – screamed “Energy Fund bombshell”. The relevant article failed to report on Casey’s spying activities for Maduna and made no reference to Shaw. But it did offer an account of Casey’s in-camera testimony, describing how Casey had confessed to the inquiry that the state oil company had written Maduna a deliberately misleading memo.
Concerned reader: “You said the M&G and Beeld were the only newspapers there?”
Lemmer:”That’s right.”
Concerned reader:”And the proceedings were in camera?”
Lemmer:”Correct.”
Concerned reader: “Then how did the Independent Group … ?”
Lemmer: “They got a press statement.”
Concerned reader: “A press statement from whom?”
Lemmer:”Guess.”
Concerned reader: “Ummmm, I give up.”
Lemmer:”The Department of Minerals and Energy, silly.”
SABC news covered June 16 with the excited announcement that they had found evidence showing that the National Party Cabinet had endorsed the killing of kids in the 1976 Soweto uprising. Presumably their investigative team had finally got around to reading the M&G of November 29 1996, which broke the story under the headline: “Killing was NP policy”.