Oom Krisjan is a regular recipient of important Western Cape government information via e-mail. This week his attention was drawn to one particular missive from provincial Housing MEC Nomatyala Hangana, rejecting allegations by the Anti-Eviction Campaign that she was ignoring the plight of the homeless and those finding themselves on the streets after defaulting on their bond repayments.
Following the official statement signed off with the regulation “Issued by” the text continues. Some bizarre statements follow: “If this were the case then we would have had all the RDP houses beneficiaries dead … The Anti-Eviction Campaign is complaining about both the current and rightsizing houses, saying their [sic] leaking and have cracks. This leaves one wondering if the houses they currently stay in leak better than those provided by government for the rightsizing programme … It must also be remembered that mine as the MEC for housing is to make sure that all national policies are strictly adhered to. I can, therefore, not be seen to be the first one to do something contrary to my mandate.”
Licking the plugs
The Congress of South African Students (Cosas) is clearly worried about the next generation of bright young minds being led astray by hippies from Florida who hand out frogs to lick, or worse, distribute drug-impregnated exam papers. A press release reads: “Cosas in the Western Cape makes a call to all stakeholders (parents, learners and educators) in education to ensure that examinations take place effectively and engaged thoroughly, without any hassles and licking of papers that will result in blocking the future of the learners.”
Plain licked
Minister of Environmental Affairs and Tourism Mohammed Valli Moosa seems to have had his sense of time addled by a conference on climate change he attended in New Delhi. A statement issued on November 1 by his ministry on the bus crash that claimed the lives of several tourists in Mpumalanga shows the serious side effects of global warming. In the first paragraph it refers to the accident having taken place on September 30, and then, in the third paragraph, claims it took (will take?) place on November 30. The correct date, not mentioned anywhere in the media release, was October 30.
Run in peace
Long-time readers of the Mail & Guardian might remember Never Despair, a Scandinavian racehorse donated to the African National Congress in 1985 — whose winnings went to the Solomon Malangua School in Tanzania. His story was related by former editor Howard Barrell, and the progress of the “Swedish Trot” was noted in the Thomas Equinus column.
Bengt Nordenbrand, the horse’s longtime groom, has written to let Lemmer know that Never Despair — whose name was taken from Damon Runyon’s A Story Goes With It — has been put down at the fine age of 19.
After the 1994 elections the new government checked the assets of the ANC and, to avoid problems in the nation’s book-keeping, the horse was given to Nordenbrand.
“He was a tough and strong but also nice horse … Lindiwe Mabuza [ANC representative in Sweden at the time] took him to her heart and paid many visits to the track. One day when Lindi was out to watch him gallop, he ran away with the trainer up, and ran three laps before he could be stopped. I have quite a few sore memories of being unseated, but apart from that he was a real gentleman to his fellow horses and people and loved by everyone,” says Nordenbrand. “He changed my life and gave me so much.”
Gunning for them
The government is certainly taking its new firearms legislation seriously. According to SABC3 newsman Sello Dooka, reporting on a Scorpions raid: “Another man was shot dead for pulling an unlicensed firearm.”
Out with the Old …
Singer Wendy New has just released her first album, Dissolve in the Sun. This is a good choice of stage name — Wendy’s real name is Newstadt. But it is rather worrying: when Wendy Oldfield’s new album comes out, will she have renamed herself Wendy Old?
Puckish humour
Those wondering why the South African hockey sides have so much trouble getting to the summer Olympics, might have gleaned a clue from the SABC’s news site last week. Accompanying coverage of the women’s team’s exciting win over Holland was a picture of an ice hockey match.
Spatial reality
Calisthenics is the name of the game at the Dorsbult this week, as the manne try to get fit in time to apply to be on a new Russian TV reality show. We, who scoffed at the inanities of Big Brother and Idols, are determined to be contestants in Space Idols/Who Wants to be a Cosmonaut? (or whatever it will be called) — for the prize is really out of this world.
Yes, you could be Mark Shuttleworth II — and at the mere cost of the entire world seeing you naked during shower hour. According to The Guardian: “The show will feature 16 contestants training at the famous Star City cosmonaut facilities in Moscow. Viewers will be able to follow their progress, Big Brother-style, around-the-clock, before a panel of judges selects the most talented trainee. The winner will go on a week-long trip to the international space station in October next year.”
Entry is open to contestants from around the world, and the only requirements are that they be in good health and able to speak English.
Oom Krisjan signs off to take his turn on the bench press.
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