Glory, glory, hallelujah

Oral sex, the adage goes, is a matter of taste, but what was happening in front of me was either tasteless or tasty (depending on your moral paradigms). A chiselled, topless go-go boy with a crew cut, dressed in cargo pants, was slowly pushing his erect penis through a hole carved in an old church’s pulpit.

His “congregation” was most certainly not singing hallelujah.
No, they were indulging in other praises — playing with his joystick to the wild animalistic beat of hard-core club music. His glorious manhood, ladies and gentleman, was propelled through a glory hole.

It was the first one I had ever seen in my life and the venue was Limelight, a gay club in New York. Situated in a church, it reflected a mock religious theme by simply keeping most of the (original) decor.

I was a bit stunned, perhaps dazed and confused, but if I remember correctly there were confession booths with lots of action, a prominent pulpit or two, typical cathedral-type stained glass windows and a few drop-dead gorgeous DJs dressed as priests.

“Liewe aarde, what the hell would the NG Kerk say back home?” I wondered.

But let us return to the gentleman in the pulpit. A lustful crowd, much like a troupe of wild lap dancers, gyrated around the hot Latino-looking guy’s shiny organ. It shimmered like a lollipop and there was a faint spotlight reflecting right on to his glaring “glasnost”.

Indeed, it appeared that they were all having loads of fun. Only later did I realise how brave the disrobed and well-hung Tarzan must have been. What if some homophobic psychopath put out a flaming-hot cigarette on his crowning feature, or decided to slice it off with a pocket knife?

But surely if that had happened to anybody dilly-dallying in glory holes this risqué practice would have ended by now?

And believe me it has not. Later in my travels to various gay establishments throughout the world I was to discover many more glory holes.

In Sydney once, at the Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras, I walked into a toilet booth with about 10 of them. My mouth fell open, which was hazardous, because all that I wanted to do was have an innocent leak, not a lick.

London, too, has a smorgasbord of adult bookstores with private video booths and fetish clubs that cater exclusively for this type of concupiscent pleasure.

In Manila I walked into a Seventies-type disco where they decorated the glory holes with pineapple rings and dollops of ice cream served on the tip of each penis. Tropical delights, you see ... with vanilla in Manila.

So what exactly is a glory hole? The Internet site defines it as “a small fist-sized hole between private video booths in an adult bookstore. It is placed about hip high for the average guy and is just large enough to place a man’s penis through to let the person on the other side perform whatever sexual activity he pleases on it.”

But there are variations on this theme, such as glory holes in buddy booths (video booths where a glass partition with dual curtains separate the two booths), toilet stalls or in shopping malls.

According to the site, they call toilet areas friendly to this type of activity “Tea Rooms”. You will often find them in loos on distant highways, used by lonely and randy truckers at night, looking for a quick release.

In fact, all types are attracted to this type of sexual release: from the good, to the bad, to the ugly.

Now before the God-fearing brigade starts with their usual finger-wagging about how morally degenerate gay people are, let me tell you something.

Many of the men who make use of glory holes are married men who do not want to touch anybody. They simply want to jerk off together, with a wall between, so they can come close to having sex without officially cheating on their wives. So, no moral prudery please, it is pedestrian.

The main thing to remember though, warns, is that if you perform anonymous sex without a condom, you are mad. And don’t think you cannot get HIV/Aids through oral sex, because even if the risk is low, it still exists. Not to mention syphilis, gonorrhoea, hepatitis and herpes…

So what do you do if you see someone you know in one of these places? Well, they are there for the same reason, so don’t feel intimidated. If they are ignoring you, ignore them back, if not, relax and just do what comes naturally.

Have fun without judging a banana by its peel or behaving like a monkey without a condom. Just have fun.

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