I am asked, sometimes, where I get my ideas from. I always say that I just keep an eye on the news; it provides all the craziness and insanity I need. So here is a selection of sites and news items to show you that the world isn’t as safe, stable and reliable as you might believe.
South Africa made global news again. Was it because of the great leadership of the African National Congress or maybe the birthday of some old guy who apparently did some stuff a few decades back? Nope — it was a much more exciting event, a slightly surreal and funny example of South Africa today. Go read SA Radio Reporter Mugged Live on Air.
Then, in another dazzling display of local IQ at work, we also made the novelty section of news reports around the world, thanks to Woman Drops Gold Coin in Parking Meter.
And the supposedly unstoppable ethnic cleansing in South Africa continues: up to July 15 there have been 1 662 killings of people on farms. Go take a look at The Not So Silent Genocide.
You missed an important holiday recently. July 27 is Barbie-in-a-Blender Day. Seriously. Go read the legal war that erupted over Barbie in a Blender.
And just so you know that reality is a lot funnier and more embarrassing than anything fiction writers can dream up, cringe your way through Firemen Release Handcuffed Sex Session Man.
Surprise, surprise … for some unknown reason — and thumbs in the soup are the least of your worries with this next item — consider the shocking news that a Naked Butler Service Proves Popular.
Remember those George Bush military records which the Pentagon announced had been “inadvertently destroyed”? Well, evidently they managed to get their hands on some good forgers, as now they’re saying that “they’ve been found”. Hmm. Pentagon Finds Bush Records.
Recall the old phrase about “let them eat cake”? Well, cake would be a positive thing to eat, compared with what needs to be added to the new United States military food at Unzip and Just Add Urine!.
The John F Kennedy assassination took a new twist this week with freed nuclear spy Mordechai Vanunu stating that Israel Was Behind the JFK Assassination.
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (Peta), the hardcore animal-rights group, decided to demonstrate what I’ve been trying to tell women for years, without much success — except that Peta did it in public. See Peta Demonstrates in Public That Vegetarians Make Better Lovers!.
One step beyond, and remember that these are all little glimpses of what passes for sane reality. How about Knife Resistant Clothing for Kids?
I’ve pointed it out repeatedly in this column over time: the odd, highly suspicious “coincidence” of weird weather and/or earthquakes tending to hit countries that the US is about to attack. So here’s a news item of interest, detailing Giant Hailstones Fall in Iran.
And if you’d like to see a full-length documentary, go watch The Whole Truth about the Iraq War.
I have always thought that people who lie in the sun and think that burning the top layer of their skin somehow makes them “attractive” are insane at best. Now it seems science has concluded they’re drug addicts as well. I always knew it. Read Sunbathing May Be an Addiction.
You could always just be very geeky and Learn How to Catch a Lion.
For a fast browse through the day’s photographs of note, go skim through BBC News Photographs of the Day.
Things to make you go “awwww” — or make you wonder where the batteries are inserted. For no reason whatsoever, go stare at The World’s Smallest Horse.
Alternatively, you could always try a nice scrumptious Horse-Flavoured Ice Cream.
Or else, a joke occurs to me that combines the above two items, which I can’t say without getting badly hurt by enraged editors, so I’ll just point towards the Worlds Smallest Cat.
Health section. Or as healthy as one can be in a society that still is taught that rubbing a toxic, carcinogenic poison on your teeth every morning is a healthy start to the day. Go dip into Fluoride Is a Poison.
Or else keep on believing the fairy stories in toothpaste adverts and get a practice run for the real thing as you pause by Make Your Own Tombstone.
Then, if you’re curious about how many calories a day you’re potentially burning up. (If you want to lose weight, forget pills and “diets” and just focus on reducing your calorie intake to less than what you’re burning up, and Bob’s yer uncle. Duh. Doesn’t take a brain surgeon to work that simple formula out.) Go find out roughly how much you’re burning each day at Calorie Counter Quiz.
Or find alternative ways to lose weight — there are the odd joys of reading the adventures of one man and his tapeworm, known as The Worm Within.
Geek stuff. If you know enough to have installed a firewall, but not really enough to go to the next step of finding out just who and where any sniffs might be coming at you when you’re online, try this nicely geeky tool to give you detailed info every time someone online takes a look at your PC. A firewall does it as well, but maybe you want to experiment with something that’s set up to track where “pings” are coming from. Try Caller IP.
The online war between My Wireless customers and Sentech continues, with complaints being laid at the Advertising Standards Authority, as well as the recent discovery that Sentech left its proxy servers open to general internet access (thus wasting its own bandwidth for months.) Added to this is the accidental mailing of their entire database of customers out on to the net. Read Sentech Accidentally Mails Its Customers’ Private Info.
Then there’s the case of a recent Sentech press release where it is suggested that the slow service is due to “downloading of illegal material” by the same users who are complaining about slow service. (As well as the fun thing that the Sentech PR document itself was assembled by folks who didn’t know that their comments and previous revisions could be unearthed and read from the press release). Go read both the release and the various ongoing soap-opera elements, as highly IT-literate customers fight for service from a company that seems to want to shoot itself repeatedly in the foot — when said foot isn’t in its mouth, that is. Go to Sentech MyWireless News.
Staying briefly in the world of geeks, try the odd and addictive joys of the online cartoon strip known as Pathetic Geek Stories.
Finally, I hate to say I told you so. Actually, that’s not true. I love saying I told you so. I’ve muttered in the past about the word “universe” being the wrong description for the place we’re in. Here’s a news item from the Sydney Morning Herald, pointing out not only that we are in a “multiverse”, but that odds are really good that this is all a giant virtual reality simulation of some kind. Red pill or blue pill? Universe as Virtual Reality Simulation.
Until the next time, if the muggers don’t get me.