One MP, one Merc
Since the front section of this newspaper seems to be getting all the good stories, Oom Krisjan is happy to be the first to bring details of Travelgate II. On a recent whip-around of city press clubs to tell the public why they are not a bunch of high-flying gadabouts, the speakers and deputy speakers of the National Assembly and the National Council of Whatever all arrived in the Big Smoke on the same plane. Definitely a step in the right direction, you’d say.
But they spoiled it by then each getting into their own bullet-proof Merc to drive into Jozi. Seems it’s not just one MP, one voucher scam, but also one MP, one Merc. Maybe they’re just interpreting the thoughts of Peter Marais who, looking for the provincial government to pay his costs, said: ”The government has limitless resources.”
Burning Bush
Florida (one of the United States, not the Jozi suburb), is bracing itself for its fourth hurricane in two months. So Bushbaby II, who’s governor of the state, might be interested in the words from on high that Oom Krisjan received: ”And God said to Jeb: Count every vote, and I will lift the plague of hurricanes.”
Floored
Lemmer recently received an invitation to join the Inkatha Freedom Party in welcoming new councillors after the floor-crossing window closed. Being a member of the fourth estate and therefore a great consumer of facts and figures, Oom Krisjan wondered why the venue was mentioned while there was distinct omission as to the number of these new members.
The explanation came last week when the Independent Electoral Commission released statistics about floor-crossing. The IFP countrywide lost 25 councillors and gained only eight new ones — losing a total of 17 seats as result. This might explain why the IFP leader, the prince formerly known as Gatsha, remarked at the welcoming ceremony: ”I will never condone an exercise that usurps the will of the people — even if we are the direct beneficiary of it.” Especially if his party is a big loser, Lemmer might add
Seeds of doubt
Seems BMW is a little sceptical about the results of its flagship corporate social investment project, Seed (Schools Environmental Education Development). A press release to update Lemmer on how the project ”has touched the lives of schoolchildren in more than 60 schools in Gauteng, the Eastern Cape and Mpumalanga, as well as those of their teachers, parents and friends” began: ”The results have been far fetching …”
Sun also rises
In the grand tradition of pots and kettles, Media24 king Ton Vosloo has had a go at the donderse English press — also known as Independent Newspapers. Using colourful words such as ”sold-out” and ”milked” to describe Independent’s business model in South Africa, he also complained about the tabloidisation of newspapers.
Now surely it can’t be the same Ton, who is co-owner of the mother and father of all tabloids, the Daily Sun and Sunday Sun?
Faint praiseÂÂ
Last week’s general strike was, fortunately, short-lived — and so the effects on emergency services were not tested for too long. But that didn’t prevent Limpopo department of health director of communications Phuti Seloba from going into overdrive: ”If you had to faint in Limpopo now, an ambulance will be there to help you. All our services are running.” When Lemmer is next planning to faint, he’ll do it in Limpopo.
Old Big Head II
The late, great English football manager, Brian Clough, who called himself ”Old Big Head”, had a method for dealing with players who disagreed with him: ”We talk about it for 20 minutes and then we decide I was right.” Well, expect the prez to start sporting a Clough-like green jumper, if we can believe Mojanku Gumbi.
Listen to what ”adviser” Gumbi told the Sunday Times: ”You can challenge him, but usually he will talk things through until you understand his point of view and agree with him.”
And it’s working. Here’s what the queen bee had to say on the pressing issues of the day: ”On Aids and Zimbabwe … I have never lain awake on either issue.” Spoken like a true adviser.
That sinking feeling
Daaronder in Bloemfontein, doctors have an interesting take on things, according to Ons Stad in an article about the tragic drowning of a young woman at the Loch Logan Waterfront. The forensic pathologist interviewed claimed it is more dangerous to drown in fresh water than in salt water. Lemmer would have thought that both were equally fatal.
Pride after the fall
The conundrum about why Johannesburg prison has been spared from the disturbing round of prison breaks that seem to be so fashionable in many areas of the country has been solved. One of the manne spotted a notice-board near the gates: ”We serve with pride.” If only all inmates at other jails could show the same pride.
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