Telling very tall tales
It was Booker Prize week, so Lemmer will kick off with something of a literary nature. Oom Krisjan might be an old fuddy-duddy, but he still clings to old-fashioned notions such as that those who send out press releases should have at least a passing acquaintance with the topic they’re attempting to communicate about.
These thoughts were occasioned by an e-mail from Exclusive Books about its Publishers’ Choice list. The selection includes (Oom Krisjan’s emphasis) “the much-anticipated biographies of local icons Oliver Tambo, Miriam Makeba and Nobel Laureate, Nadine Gordimer.
“Now in its 14th year, the annual Publishers’ Choice is a carefully chosen selection of the best new releases for the Festive Season compiled by Exclusive Books’ team of experienced booksellers.” And sure enough, listed under biography, is Telling Tales, by the aforementioned Tannie Nadine.
It appears that the controversial Ronald Suresh Roberts item that publishers are falling over themselves to decline is befuddling even the experts, because Telling Tales is, in fact, an anthology to raise funds for those living with Aids, edited by Gordimer, N.
This confusion is especially surprising in that it was Nadine G who spoke at the launch of Publishers’ Choice — and she spoke about Telling Tales, listing all the authors in it!
Then again, Telling Tales might have been a good title for the RSR tome, no?
Knowledge theft
Still on a bookish bent, Lemmer would like to take issue with those folk who borrow library books and “forget” to return them. No, that’s too kind a way of putting it. With the thieving swine who deprive the rest of us of knowledge.
A Dorsbult regular was trying to borrow a copy of the George Bizos biography, only to discover that every copy purchased in the Greater Jozi area has been stolen. The total number could not be determined, but at least three had gone from the affluent Rosebank branch alone. Lemmer knows that that learned advocate is a popular fellow, but what on earth do people do with their stolen copies once they’ve read them?
Oom Krisjan suggests a “Halloween amnesty”, giving those with unreturned library books an opportunity to don outlandish disguises and deliver their misappropriated volumes back into the pool of public knowledge — no questions asked. Let the Day of the Dead become the Day of the Read.
Spanger in the works
The Dorsbult Mixed Metaphor Award for October goes to SABC TV news reporter Adolf Spangenberg with his memorable milkshake on the police detective who investigated the Leigh Matthews case: “He’s busy tying up the loose ends of a rock-solid case.” Exactly. When the chips are down someone has to pick up the threads and run with the tide.
Manto panto
The Rockall Times, a web-based satirical newspaper, sets a difficult challenge to readers. Typing “Tshabalala-Msimang” into the site’s search engine elicits the response “Sorry, no stories matched your query. Please pick a funnier topic.”
Torquing point
Raconteur journalist David Bullard — well known for his taste in fine cars, wines and Cuban cigars — has a column in the community newspaper Homeless Talk. In his column, called “Homeless Torque”, he puts aside his usual probing analysis of fast Ferraris and Maseratis to examine a more earthy form of transport: the bicycle. The slogan for the newspaper is “helping the homeless help themselves”. Go, David.
Gothic horror
Grant Wood will be spinning in his grave.
Maddening
Ten points to e.tv for screening one of Lemmer’s all-time favourite movies, Far from the Madding Crowd, last week — but minus eight of those for reintroducing the film after every ad break as Far from the Maddening Crowd.
Potty training
Some advice for those planning to travel to Mad Bad Bob country up north. Zimbabwe’s biggest denomination note is a $500 bill. A roll of toilet paper costs upward of $1 000, and the average roll of single-ply has 72 sheets. So, if you change your $1 000 for $10 notes and use 72 of those to wipe your bottom, you will save $280.
Check-out time
The only person madder than Mad Bad Bob these days is madder, badder Bobby. Bobby Fischer, the world chess champion turned raving nutter, is being detained in Japan pending deportation back to the United States — where he faces a possible prison sentence for defying the government years ago by playing in Yugoslavia. The Yanks might have let the matter lapse, but Bobby has continued ranting against his former homeland — including applauding the terrorist attacks on New York and Washington — and Bushbaby has the hell in for him.
What isn’t aiding his cause to be taken seriously is this week’s claim that the Japanese are deliberately holding him at Ushiku, near the scene of Japan’s worst nuclear accident, to render him impotent.
Readers wishing to alert Oom Krisjan to matters of national or lesser importance can do so at [email protected]