The bring-back Terry Paine campaign starts here. Why? It rhymes, doesn’t it? Besides, Southampton are in dire straights, they need their old record-breaking winger to come back and save them from oblivion.
He’s got to be an improvement on this Steve Wigley fellow, as we shall see.
As a general rule, you can ignore Carling Cup games when it comes to assessing the weekend’s Premiership clashes.
But when Southampton crashed 5-2 at second division Watford on Tuesday night, the alarm bells were ringing all along the south coast.
Coach Steve Wigley started badly as Gordon Strachan’s successor when it was revealed that he wasn’t even qualified as a coach. The fact that nobody had heard of him before didn’t help much, either.
His record of two wins from 13 games (none in the league) has done little to enhance the reputation of Southampton’s mega-rich owner Rupert Lowe.
Lowe is the guy who lost Glenn Hoddle and found Stuart Gray. Then Gordon Strachan walked out and he found Wigley. Gray? Wigley? You can tell by their names they aren’t suitable. You get my drift.
Why Paine not Wigley? Here’s why. Wigley played for Curzon Ashton (a non-league side), Nottingham Forest, Sheffield United, Birmingham and (here’s the point) Saints’s arch-rivals and south-coast neighbours Portsappearances for Pompey before finishing his playing career at Exeter City.
Our Terry was a pain in the arse for fullbacks for 713 games between 1956 and 1973. All for Southampton.
I rest my case.
Fair play to Wigley on Tuesday night though. After that humiliating five-goal defeat, with the fans chanting ‘you don’t know what you’re doingâ€, he had the guts to say: ‘I am sure over the next day or so I will take a long hard look at myself. There is no doubt about that. Who knows what I will be feeling after that?
‘I learned a lot about my players after that. I never thought they had a performance like that in them. Obviously, I was wrong.
‘Ultimately because of what goes with the job it will be me that takes the rap. That’s what happens in this business. People like me are vulnerable.
‘But it will be difficult to be kind after that. It was a horrific result and a horrific performance. The supporters are entitled to their opinion.
‘On a night like that they are well within their rights to vent their frustration.â€
In other words, farewell, Mr Wigley. Hello, Mr Hoddle. Or Mr Anyone for that matter.
Having said all that, what about Bryan Robson returning to West Bromwich Albion after 23 years? This is a fascinating appointment.
Robbo spent millions at Middlesbrough, got to a few League Cup finals but never really succeeded. This time the former England coach says: ‘I must admit I was disappointed over the past two years not to be offered a job like this.
‘The only blip on my CV at Middlesbrough was the last year, which was a hard year, and maybe the decision to bring Terry Venables in didn’t do me any favours.
‘I think that last year has been held against me. That’s the only way I can explain why I haven’t had an opportunity to step back into a club with the type of potential that this club has.â€
Still, if he cocks up, that nice Albion chairperson Jeremy Peace can always claim he thought he was getting Sir Bobby Robson.
It’s happened before. Did I ever tell you about the Argentinian Ferreiro twins at Dundee United … it’s a long story.
If Wigley and Robbo have both gone by the weekend, don’t blame me, it’s the deadlines. But here’s how I think the Premiership clashes will work out.
Birmingham vs Everton
Darren ‘Sicknote†Anderton saved Steve Bruce’s bacon with the goal that gave Birmingham a 1-0 win against Liverpool last week. But they remain 11 points behind Everton, who lost at Chelsea last week. And the difference in spending between the two clubs is vast. David Moyes has lifted his lads to third on a shoe-string, while selling Wayne Rooney. But it can’t last.
Verdict: Birmingham 1, Everton 1
Bolton vs Aston Villa
These are perhaps the best unfashionable sides in the Premiership. Both could find themselves in the Champions League next season, which is a huge tribute to both Sam Allardyce and David O’Leary, two bosses who use everything at their disposal to get where they’ve got. With Jay Jay Okocha struggling, I’ve got to go for Villa, so impressive in the first half of their 3-0 win over Portsmouth last week.
Verdict: Bolton 1, Villa 3
Charlton vs Norwich
I’m a bit of a Charlton fan after their 3-2 win over Spurs last week. Surely they can’t blow it against lowly Norwich this week? Sadly, they could. Norwich boss Nigel Worthington has decided to drop his most promising player, David ‘On loan from Arsenal†Bentley for fooling about in training. Is he mad?
Verdict: Charlton 1, Norwich 1
Fulham vs Chelsea
The great West London derby. And after that astonishing 4-1 win at Newcastle, the greatest club side in the universe (as my boring Blues brothers keep telling me) might just be in for a little surprise. Well, we can only hope, can’t we? In truth, Chelsea have got £200-million of top quality players and are unlikely to relinquish their grip on top spot. Sad, isn’t it? Money can’t buy love, but it appears to buy titles, just as Blackburn Rovers, 1995.
Verdict: Fulham 1, Chelsea 1
Liverpool versus Crystal Palace
Strange result that, losing to Birmingham. I wonder if Liverpool’s new Spanish boss Rafael Benitez realises just what a blunder that was. Anything less than a big win against Palace at Anfield will start the whispers again. And Palace are by no means a pushover at the moment with 10 points from their last four games. Have I mentioned Andy Johnson?
Verdict: Liverpool 1, Crystal Palace 1
Man City vs Blackburn
Great for City to hang on for a point against United last week, but it wasn’t pretty. Kevin Keegan may let his men play more expansive football this weekend against Blackburn, who are surely headed for the trap door this season. Still, they got a point off Norwich last week and there’s always Paul Dickov, a combative striker if ever I saw one.
Verdict: City 2, Blackburn 0
Southampton vs Portsmouth
The South Cost showdown, with Southampton stuffed 5-2 by Watford in midweek and Portsmouth winning 2-0 at Cardiff, can only go one way. But then the same Pompey who beat Manchester United 2-0 a fortnight ago lost 3-0 to Aston Villa last week. Nothing can be taken for granted when Harry Redknapp’s men trot out.
Verdict: Southampton 1, Portsmouth 4
Tottenham vs Arsenal
And the big one. North London waits with baited breath. Spurs were beaten 3-2 by Charlton but when Martin Jol was officially put in charge of their Carling Cup clash on Tuesday, they seemed to cheer up and beat Burnley. Arsenal, winless in the League and Europe since the ‘pizzagate†defeat at Manchester United, have produced two magnificent Carling Cup wins with their third team over Manchester City and Everton. The Carling Cup counts for nothing. I’ve had horrible dreams about Robbie Keane cartwheeling and Thierry Henry pouting.
Verdict: Tottenham 2, Arsenal 1
Newcastle versus Man United
Two of the season’s most disappointing sides. United have made their worst ever start in the Premiership, with Sir Alex Ferguson already conceding the title. Newcastle weren’t looking bad under Graeme Souness, but he was kicking drinks around in the 4-1 home defeat against Fulham last week. This is a battle of two fading giants and I don’t think Fergie has as much fire as Souney.
Verdict: Newcastle 2, Man United 0
West Brom vs Middlesbrough
The Baggies will be under Bryan Robson for the first time, so they could put on a bit of a show. But don’t hold your breath, West Brom fans (if they exist). Middlesbrough are right up there with Bolton and Aston Villa (okay, for now, Everton too) as one of the sides trying to break in to the big three in place of fallen United. If Mark Viduka starts next to Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink, watch out Albion.
Verdict: West Brom 0, Middlesbrough 2