Not the Mail & Guardian is Robert Kirby’s startling and savagely satirical parody of the Mail & Guardian newspaper. Any similarity between real people and characters portrayed here is anything but coincidental
Schumacher looks for new challenge:
Seven times formula one world champion Michael Schumacher has quit Ferrari for Minardi.
Said Schumacher: ‘Minardi have made me an offer I could not refuse. They are a team with a great deal of potential. Besides, it was time that Rubens [Barrichello] was given the space to demonstrate his talent and not be squashed out of the game by my genius.”
The Minardi team was upbeat about the move. According to Minardi principal Paul Stoddart : ‘Michael is a welcome addition to the team. We are confident that with his help we will witness a similar season to that of 1991, when the cars were, coincidentally, powered by Ferrari.”
McLaren principal Ron Dennis said that it was about time the playing field was
levelled. ‘Drivers need to know that they stand a chance of winning. Kimi Whatshisname and David Thingamajig are world champion material and now they have a chance to prove it.”
Said Juan-Pablo Montoya of Williams: ‘I’m over the moon, I can’t wait to put Michael in his place. Everyone knows that Michael is nothing without Ferrari. He’ll be eating my dust.” Other drivers, however, took a more conciliatory tone.
Said Barrichello: ‘I’ll miss Michael, his discipline and his dry German humour. It will be quite strange to be ahead of Michael, but I can’t say that I’ll be sorry about that.”
At an emotional farewell press conference this week Ferrari technical director Ross Brawn could not contain his emotions: ‘Michael has been like a son to me. I know we still have Rubens, but it won’t be the same.”
Schumacher said: ‘I’ll be sad to be hanging up my red overalls, but it won’t be the end of my association with this fantastic group of individuals. They’ve promised me a permanent invitation to their Christmas parties, and at least one lap in the new season’s car when I feel the need for some serious speed.”
Painting Cape Town pink:
In 2011 Cape Town will be hosting the world’s first Gay and Lesbian Olympic Games (Glog).
Speaking as both the city’s entertainment and cultural liaison officer and as the leader of G&L Olympic Bid Task Group, Vivienne Sprinkler said that as a ‘Proudly Pink City” Cape Town was among the natural first choices for the International Gay & Lesbian Olympics Committee (Igloc).
The task group is already in negotiations with banks and fuel companies keen to sponsor Glog. Telkom has declined, saying that after the several hundred
million rand it used in entertaining its top management at the Athens ‘straight” Olympics, it can no longer afford sponsorships. In order to give entrants time to select athletes, notice of the sports that will be competing in the Cape Town Gay and Lesbian Olympics will be issued soon.
Provisional lists include the Freestyle Mince, Hop-Skip-and-Hump, Drag Racing, Snatch & Fumble, Tossing the Life Partner, Four-by-100 Metres Cruising, 200-Metres Girdles, Parallel Gay Bars, Shot Poof, Synchronised Muff-Diving and Throwing the Handbag. —