If Liverpool lose at Newcastle on Saturday, our Scouse friends should treat it not as just another dip in a roller-coaster season, more as the start of a long goodbye to most of their men in red.
If the whispers emerging from Anfield are right, just six of the current inconsistent, overpaid foreigners will survive a major summer clear-out by frustrated Spanish boss Rafael Benitez, who inherited most of this motley crew from Frenchman Gérard Houllier at the start of the season.
Their brave but ultimately fruitless 3-2 League Cup final defeat against Chelsea at the Millennium stadium last Sunday was just the beginning of the end.
That win means that, because Premiership leaders Chelsea won’t now need to claim the Uefa Cup spot as League Cup winners, the first six in the Premiership will qualify for Europe next season — but Liverpool are desperate for the Champions League, not the sub-standard, well-nigh meaningless Uefa Cup.
And that demands a top-four finish. And guess who’s fourth behind the big boys at the moment? Yes, Merseyside rivals Everton, who are eight points clear of fifth-placed Liverpool despite losing stars such as Wayne Rooney and Tomas Gravesen this season.
Perhaps Benitez has this in mind when he considers a clear-out, which will start with Czech whinger Milan Baros. The long-haired striker came out with the normal clap-trap this week after being left on the bench behind Australian Harry Kewell for that defeat in Cardiff last Sunday.
Baros said: ”My time here is ticking down. I love the club and the fans but all I want to do is play regularly. If it is not going to be here, then I have to hope for an offer from elsewhere.
”Benitez just doesn’t seem to see me as a regular starter. I’m frustrated and I just don’t understand it.”
Now rearrange these words: pram, toys, out, throwing, of. Benitez will respond to Baros’s tear-jerking outburst by selling him, nappies and all, at the end of the season. Euro 2004’s top scorer should raise quite a fee.
Also out? Those luxury imports from Spain’s La Liga, Luis Garcia, Antonio Nunez, Josemi and Mauricio Pellegrino. Fallen Leeds hero Kewell will probably join them, along with long-serving centrehalf Sammi Hyypia, German Dietmar Hamann and Polish goalkeeper Jerzy Dudek.
So who is ”Beneath-us” left with?
Captain Stevie Gerrard of course, though his own goal and lacklustre display in the League Cup final left thousands of Liverpool fans wondering if he has already signed for Chelsea next season.
Then there’s the sole remaining local lad, Jamie Carragher, who isn’t exactly awe-inspiring; Fernando Morientes, the former Real Madrid striker, who is; Xabi Alonso, who can play a bit when he’s not injured; and the unknown England Under-21 goalkeeper Scott Carson, signed from Leeds during the January transfer window.
Oh, and injured striker Djibril Cissé will stay at the club to see if he can recover from a shin broken so badly it bent in two.
Quite where all this leaves John Aarne Riise, the superb red-haired Scandanavian fullback who has scored against Bayer Leverkusen and Chelsea in the past two games, I’m not sure. And what about those great-one-week and rubbish-the-next types like Igor Biscan and Djimi Traore?
And here’s a thought Rafa: what happens if this strange squad of yours get it all together and burst into the Champions League final? What will you do then? And just say your lads remember their 1980s heritage and win the bloody thing?
But no, finishing behind Everton is unacceptable. European champions or not, this clear-out will happen.
And when they have all toddled off with or without those glittering medals, Liverpool fans will remember, deep in their psyches, the 1-0 FA Cup defeat against Burnley, the 2-0 loss to Birmingham — and the hard-to-swallow failure to match the Toffees.
That’s why it’s so hard to predict exactly what might happen at Newcastle, but here goes:
Arsenal vs Pompey
Another awful result for the Gunners against Southampton last week, 1-1 with the opposition down to 10 men early on. Then the lacklustre FA Cup replay draw against Sheffield United, won on penalties. There’s never been a better time for Portsmouth to get a win at Highbury. I think they’ll fall just short.
Verdict: Arsenal 1 Pompey 1
Aston Villa vs Boro
Middlesbrough, now aware that sixth place will mean Europe next season, need this one. Villa, crushed 3-1 by Everton last week, need to improve a bit. Boro’s youngster, Danny Graham, 19 and born in nearby Gateshead, scored the equaliser against Charlton last time out and is worth keeping an eye on.
Verdict: Villa 1 Boro 2
Palace vs Man United
United haven’t lost in the Premiership for 11 games and, if you discount the defeat against Milan last week, they’re pretty awesome right now —and they’ve got Ruud van Nistelrooy fit again. Crystal Palace, buoyed by that 2-0 win over former boss Steve Bruce’s Birmingham last week, might sneak a point though, if Andy Johnson can add to his penalty tally. What was it Bruce said last week? ”He falls over very easily for a big fella …”
Verdict: Palace 2 United 2
Fulham vs Charlton
You can toss a coin on this one. Fulham went down 2-0 to Spurs last week while Charlton held Boro 2-2. Charlton are 10 points better off but I can’t see much between them — apart from Andy Cole, the former Newcastle and Manchester United striker at Fulham who could be the difference.
Verdict: Fulham 1 Charlton 0
Newcastle vs Liverpool
I imagine Graeme Souness has the FA Cup in his sights for that final Alan Shearer sign-off now that Newcastle have accepted a nothing finish in the Premiership. Liverpool will attempt to continue to close that gap on Everton but I don’t think they’ll make it.
Verdict: Newcastle 2 Liverpool 1
Norwich vs Chelsea
Poor old Norwich. Their chef-cum-chairperson Delia Smith annoyed the fans with a plea for louder support in the midweek game against Manchester City. And they promptly lost a 2-0 lead and went down 3-2 to a scuffed last-minute effort from Robbie Fowler. They have neither the team nor the money to compete on a level playing field with Chelsea, who should just about wrap up the Premiership with a thumping win at Carrow Road.
Verdict: Norwich 0 Chelsea 2
Saints vs Spurs
The Harry Redknapp survival strategy hasn’t always gone according to plan. Somehow I always thought Harry would end up coaching Spurs — but it hasn’t happened. Instead, Tottenham have the Dutchman, Martin Jol, who has pushed them right up the table and now finds himself being linked with Ajax Amsterdam. Spurs have too much firepower, but I do like that beanpole Southampton striker, Peter Crouch.
Verdict: Southampton 2 Spurs 2
WBA vs Birmingham
The doomed West Brom against the under-performing Birmingham could go either way. The draw with Southampton did little for West Brom’s hopes of survival and Bryan Robson must have accepted he is now presiding over a relegated club. Birmingham? Didn’t look too good at Palace last week, but a local derby against the Baggies should provide a point.
Verdict: West Brom 0 Birmingham 0
Everton vs Blackburn
David Moyes’s Everton looked like Champions League material in the comfortable win over Aston Villa last week, but Blackburn are eager and nasty enough to upset the best of teams. Just ask Chelsea. Rovers are nearly safe. Mark Hughes will expect at least a point at Goodison, but I think he may be denied.
Verdict: Everton 1 Blackburn 3
Man City vs Bolton
Robbie Fowler moved to 150 Premiership goals with his double against luckless Norwich during the week, but Bolton should be too much for the departing Kevin Keegan’s lot this week. Sam Allardyce will have his mind focused on the FA Cup quarterfinal against Arsenal — but they should still be able to beat a leaderless, almost managerless bunch like Manchester City.
Verdict: City 2 Bolton 3