It seems the coffers of the Western Cape government haven’t been entirely flattened by the publicly funded drol-spoeging contest between Premier Ebrahim Rasool and pretender to his throne, Mcebisi Skwatsha. No, there’s just enough in the kitty to launch an ad campaign intended to make the world think differently about the province that launched the Great Trek, educated Hendrik Verwoerd, imprisoned Nelson Mandela and hasn’t quite worked out that the Cape Flats flood every winter. That’s where David comes in. ”My father wanted me to be a doctor,” he says from his print ad. ”My mother wanted me to be married. I wanted to be myself. My name is David. And I am the Western Cape.” Lemmer can’t work out the correlation between David and the province, other than that they’re both huge disappointments to their parents.
Velly solly
Piet Hu, Dorsbult’s Sino-Boer, importer of plastic cocktail glasses and Barbi knockoffs, says the Japanese are genetically incapable of apologising. The manne thought he was just getting caught up in the current acrimony between China and Japan, until they heard Honda’s apology for running the San Marino Grand Prix underweight and with a secret, highly illegal spare patrol tank. Responding to the ban handed to the BAR Honda team, spokesperson Tatsuya Iida said: ”We felt the punishment was too harsh but any appeal now would only be bad for the sport.” And God forbid Honda should do anything bad for the sport.
U-Chaos eKhayalitsha
Lemmer is the first to admit that his grasp of indigenous languages isn’t what it should be, but at least he’d ask for help if he ran into trouble. Not quite so hesitant are local purveyors of culture: this week sees the release of U-Carmen eKhayelitsha, but as far as Ster-Kinekor was concerned, it’s called Carmen in Khayalitsha. At least it was until Tuesday morning, when a press release went out about a film called uCarmen eKhayelitsha, without a hyphen or a capital U in sight. Lemmer wonders if George Lucas ever had this kind of trouble with Star wars: ePisode 3 (III) reVenge of the Sith.
Fishy
Last week Dr Manto Tshabalala-Msimang said she didn’t remember endorsing Aids denialist Matthias Rath and his foundation, and now Dok Rabie is worried. He says Dr No is obviously not senile, and probably doesn’t have Alzheimer’s, but the only likely explanation for her memory lapse — extreme stress — just doesn’t mesh with her department’s policy of ”Don’t worry be happy”. Still, he says he’ll send her a telegram recommending she supplement her diet with lots of oily omega-3-rich fish, which does wonders for the brain and memory functions. (Lemmer might attach his recipe for red herring fried in olive oil.)
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