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You saw nothing

When the Dorsbult Bar regulars switched on the SABC on Youth Day, only to see S’bu Ndebele cowering under a table while being pelted with bottles, they were confused. Even more so when Ndebele was given airtime to explain that the incident had never happened. But it seems they’ll stay confused: another broadcaster trying to buy the rights to the pictures was told that the footage has disappeared from the SABC archive, and two weeks later it still hasn’t turned up. Lemmer always knew Snuki Zikalala’s degree in media studies from the Josef Stalin Technical University would come in useful one day.

Tool of the regime

Lemmer was fascinated to learn on Tuesday that this newspaper is ”part of a faction of the African National Congress”. Ja nee, Zwelinzima ”Tsunami” Vavi reckons that the Mail & -Guardian, as well as the Sunday Times, Business Day and City Press, are all part of a vicious capitalist conspiracy to keep their readers informed. ”They are the first to tell us who met with whom and who will be fired — and they are not wrong because they are informed all the time,” said Vavi. ”Where is the working-class media?” That’s easy, Mr Secretary General: the working-class media is busily reporting on miracle koeksisters that look like Jesus, pensioners who cast spells on their neighbours, and Miss Vygie October of Bethlehem, whose cup-size is 34C and who wants to be a beautician one day. But as for his first complaint, is Lemmer to assume that the working-class media will by definition be the last to tell us who met with whom and who will be fired?

Cluck cluck clan

At the end of a long week there’s nothing that lifts the spirits quite like an ANC Youth League press release, and this week it was damning the Democratic Alliance’s boycott of the Freedom Charter celebrations straight to hell. ”The most backward, racist, conservative rightwing Democratic Alliance”, it said, had chosen instead to ”have its own dinner party”. ”Like Klux Klux Klan [sic] in America, the most racist bunch of people, DA philosophy of race supremacy must be challenged and rejected …” read the rant, concluding with a reaffirmation that ”South Africa Belongs to All those Who live in it, black and white.” Lemmer assumes this includes people Who don’t Know when to use capital Letters; but surely, if Klux Klux Klones are also residents here, South African belongs to them as much as anyone else?

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