According to Dorsbult’s new konstabel, Tiger Brands Mswati, the South African Police Service is taking civic awareness and service delivery very seriously. Which must be why this week the Visdorp Fuzz sent a very helpful and considerate heads-up to all criminals in the Mitchells Plain area, disguised as an official statement for the community. ”As from Saturday until Sunday our telephone’s [sic] will be out off [sic] order, due to the construction in our building the electric power will be disconnected. We apologise for the inconvenience we will resume to the normal operation very soon.” Lemmer is sure the perps don’t mind, although the cops did kill the buzz slightly by adding that emergencies could be called in to the detective branch.
Call account
While Dok Rabie has a cellphone that can put a man in space, the rest of the manne have been slow to embrace cellular technology. A damn good thing, too, they said this week after seeing MTN’s new cellphone banking ad, in which an idle little white chick texts her daddy with ”Dad, I need some money!” Dad obliges with a knowing smile, apparently unaware that he is creating a middle-class monster; but Lemmer was more intrigued by the name at the top of Dad’s list of contacts: one P Motsepe. Have we tumbled on the secret of Patrice Motsepe’s vast wealth? Dad, I need some money: R40-million should cover it.
Burn, baby, burn
This week’s hugely unpublicised air show in Harare (to which the South African Air Force allegedly sent 14 aircraft, courtesy of the South African taxpayer) coincided with a report in the country’s state-run press that fuel shortages have not officially crippled Harare. Given that an average fighter jet consumes 200 litres of fuel on taking off, and then chews it up at about 60 litres a minute in flight, Lemmer has to wonder whether it was quite the right time to blow more than 30 000 litres.
Telling it straight
Out the mouths of babes and Sky News graphics editors who don’t know how to use colons or quotation marks…