In the samba spirit that the South African Football Association seems to have been seized by, and to welcome Joel Santana, the Brazilian coach, South Africans now have an opportunity to convert their names to Brazilian ones. After all, one Brazilian turn deserves another.
To ”become Brazilian”, just put your first name and surname and your preferred jersey number in this Brazilian name generator and presto! you are a Brazilian.
African National Congress (ANC) president Jacob Zuma will become Zumson in an attacking role and wearing the fabled number 10 jersey — the heart and the brains of the team. President Thabo Mbeki, who has worn this jersey for the better part of the last decade, will have to be content with a cameo appearance in the last 15 minutes of the match as Thabildo, wearing jersey number 14.
ANC secretary general Gwede Mantashe is Gweda, while Kgalema Motlanthe’s cultured left foot will be acknowledged by his new Brazilian moniker of Motlantaldo.
Fiery incoming ANC Youth League leader Julius Malema’s name has been stretched to Malemaldo. His marauding runs in the middle of the park will give ageing players such as Motlantaldo and Sexwaleca (Tokyo Sexwale) the width and space to time their runs and provide that deadly killer pass without exerting themselves. Supporting Malemaldo and playing on the ultra-left is Congress of South African Trade Unions general secretary Zwelinzima Vavi, wearing jersey number 11 as Vavcos.
Benni McCarthy is now Mccisco, Surprise Moriri’s name is Surprisinhosa and Orlando Pirates’ chairperson Irvin Khoza is Irvildo.
David Bullard is to be known as Bullundo. One wonders, again, if Bullundo won’t make many stray passes as he will play on the same flank with his former editor at the Sunday Times, Mondlison (Mondli Makhanya).
Whether the match will be played depends on whether the main man at Eskom, Jaciano (Jacob Maroga) doesn’t decide to switch us off, as the match will be played under floodlights. It is also dependent on whether suspended police National Commissioner Selebaldo Santos’s (Jackie Selebi) charges at the South African Police Service are able to deploy enough cops to watch out just in case frayed tempers explode.