Hunting down sex addicts is not this newspaper’s stock in trade, but it was hard to pass up a “fabloid” moment when unconfirmed reports this week indicated that the elusive Tiger Woods was recuperating in Cape Town.
The legendary golfer — the planet’s most talked about celebrity right now — had reportedly sought treatment for sex addiction at Montrose Place in Bishopscourt.
But all was quiet outside the five-star retreat for six-star sex enthusiasts when the Mail & Guardian made a tour of duty of the ritzy neighbourhood on Wednesday.
Gardeners and security guards were the only visible people.
“There are people who live here who have five or six people who work for them, cleaning the garden or the house or walking the dogs,” said a security guard who had initially chased after me in his car as I drew up outside Montrose Place, but later warmed to the theme.
A French-speaking security guard outside the retreat — its old-money owner Johnny Graaff insists that it’s not a clinic — assured a French-speaking neighbour who had stopped to see what the unaccustomed fuss was about that everything was under control. Other neighbours I approached didn’t have a clue whether Tiger Woods might be among them — and most didn’t seem to care much either.
“I have no idea about that,” offered one pleasantly vague neighbour.” Another irritably brushed off the question: “Oh, I don’t know.”
During the M&G‘s stakeout two cars swished through the Montrose entrance gates, both driven by women wearing huge sunglasses. The security guard became agitated: “Don’t take my photo. Twenty journalists were already here. No photos.”
A third car — this one leaving Montrose — stopped. It was a stiff-lipped staffer.
“We want to know if Tiger Woods is here,” I asked as she evil-eyed me.
“We can’t confirm or comment on that. Please leave,” she said, and drove off.
Montrose officialdom had by then summoned its UK-based talking heads, The Communication Group, to deal with the media. They issued a terse one-liner from the usually genial Graaff, who typically markets his sanctuary with stories of his own battle with cocaine: “Due to patient confidentiality we cannot disclose any information on, or the identity of, clients.”
To be fair, this is how Graaff has dealt with high-profile cases of other wealthy addicts reportedly seeking relief from their misery at Montrose. British billionaire Lord Irvin Laidlaw reportedly paid R75 000 a night to treat his sex addiction there in 2008.
Graaff’s offices in Geneva, London and Paris work to attract wealthy addicts needing recovery time and sunshine at the foot of Table Mountain. And at that price, discretion just makes good business sense.
Other unconfirmed Woods sightings have put him everywhere from the Clinique counter at Stuttafords at the V&A Waterfront (where he was allegedly spotted buying sunblock) to an exclusive sex rehab in Arizona.
The Tiger hunt continues.