/ 3 August 2010

Cars that make you go …. hmm

Why, wonders Steve Smith, would one buy a burger that’s also a pizza … or a BMW 5-Series GT?

There’s something to be said for conventional wisdom. For one thing, it makes immediate sense. It’s sort of … logical. Like, that’s the way the world ought to be. To give you an example — the best burger is a burger that’s kind of roundish with a well-grilled patty sandwiched between two halves of a bun. Perhaps there’s a slice of cheese in there and a little garnish too. People immediately understand what it is … it’s a burger. Strike one for conventional wisdom.

Now putting that into automotive terms, cars come in a finite number of guises — sedans, hatchbacks, convertibles, coupés, bakkies, SUVs, and the Ssangyong Stavic. Everyone knows that. We’re comfortable with the situation. You know what type of car suits your tastes and lifestyle, and you make the appropriate choice. And so it has been since the dawn of the internal combustion engine.


A somewhat deflated X6 — an aggressively profiled front end … and a big butt.

But things have changed. The Era Of The Crossover is upon us. And marketing departments from Stuttgart to Tokyo have gotten tremendously excited by this new development. It’s moved them to come up with such gems as: “The car for the man who wants a sportscar AND a family carrier!” Or to put that another way “It’s a burger for the man who wants both a burger AND a pizza!” As a result, the rest of us (and the man) go “What the f…?” as yet another car is launched that we have no idea what to do with.

Which brings us to the BMW 5-Series GT.

It’s a brave car, it must be said. After the universal panning received by Merc’s ill-conceived R-Class MPV slash sporty something, one might’ve thought the Bavarian’s would have taken note of their longtime rival’s failure and steered clear of any crossover that ventured even close to this territory. But no.

Based on the class-leading new 5-Series, the GT manages to look nothing like its sibling. Neither does it handle like the sharp-suited sedan. From the outside it looks a like a somewhat deflated X6 — an aggressively profiled front end … and a big butt. Nope, not even BMW’s usual trick of looking far better in the flesh than in pictures can save the GT. It’s no looker.

And it’s no snappy handler either, though I do say that in comparison to other BMWs. Compared to every other car on the road able to transport five adults in such luxury, while at the same time offering such legroom, headroom, and luggage space, the GT leads the pack. It’s surefooted and, thanks to BMW’s enduringly brilliant 3.0-litre turbo diesel in my 530d GT test car, surprisingly quick. Not a hint of any bodyroll either. However, this is one heavy car and, compared to its slimmer siblings in the BMW brochure, it’s a little ponderous when asked to change direction. It’s well-planted through the corners, but not nimble … put it that way.

Actually it’s more than not being nimble. There’s, dare I say it, a lack of driver involvement in this car compared to other BMWs. And, that said, it would still knock the spots off many other cars in the driver involvement department, but when you’re used to being hard-wired into a BMW’s controls, the moment you start the engine the GT somehow doesn’t quite convey that familiar experience. It feels as though there’s a layer of technology between you and the car’s pulse — from the steering wheel through to the Steptronic gearbox

Why would one buy a 530GT then? Well it’s certainly different. In shape and ability. No other car, for example, does that clever trick with the boot. Press one button and the bottom section opens like a normal boot lid. Press another button and the whole back sections opens up like a hatch. The car’s name suggests a long-legged cruiser — a Gran Tourismo — and from a performance and handling point of view that’s clearly what the car would do best. But therein lies its flaw too.

An actual GT is not be a high-roofed, big-arsed cruiser … but a sleek greyhound of a coupé. Like, for example, a 6-Series. And if one wanted Sixer-like handling, but wanted a tad more space for the kids and some luggage one would get a … 5-Series sedan. Or if one wanted more headroom and luggage space, wouldn’t one opt for an X5?

So to answer the question as to why one would buy a 5-Series GT. I don’t really know. It’s not a bad car in any way. The build quality is top notch, it’s luxuriously appointed, the engine is brilliant, the handling is great for its size, and there’s plenty of space.

But.

There are a whole bunch of cars in BMWs range that do each one of those things better. The 5-Series GT just doesn’t look and, surprisingly feel like a BMW. And I like my BMWs to feel like BMWs.

Vital statistics: BMW 530d GT

  • Price: R733 000
  • Engine: 2993cc six-cylinder turbo-diesel

    Power: 180kW at 4000rpm

    Gearbox: 6-speed manual

    Torque: 540Nm from 1750-3000rpm

    0-100km/h: (claimed) 6.9 seconds

    Top speed: (claimed) 240km/h

    Fuel consumption: 6.5l/100km (claimed combined)