The Cape Town International Convention Centre this weekend was a place where titans were pitted against each other, hopes soared and dreams were dashed.
It was also the spot where auditions for music talent search show Idols took place.
But around the corner from the pleather-wearing adolescents clutching their song sheets, the real divas took centre stage: Marius Fransman and Mcebisi Skwatsha in a do-or-die battle for the soul of the Western Cape.
Or something like that.
In reality, the ANC has long lost the soul of the Western Cape, and even their attempts at being an opposition party makes their ugly younger brother Cope look like an organised force for good.
The party couldn’t get its act together to register in time for by-elections in 2008, its leaders are grasping feudal lords always at each other’s throats — literally in the case of Skwatsha who was once stabbed, and the ANCYL in the province is pretty much defunct.
It’s clear that, like most of their pop star-wannabe neighbours in the CTICC this weekend, the ANC Western Cape doesn’t have a hope in hell. It has even less talent for governing than the warbling Idols-hopefuls have for singing — and yes, that’s a sad, sad indictment on our music industry.
But fame and greed are deceptive monsters that claw at the hearts of men and ugly politicians. The chubbiest, most pockmarked teen who can’t tell their C# from their Shakira ringtone will harbour in their heart secret dreams of MTV fame. Call it escapism, lack of ambition or a serious comment on the state of our youth, it’s still damn funny. Even funnier when it’s politicians like Skwatsha who, after pulling the usual one-trick politician pony of contracts for pals, still thinks he can win enough respect to govern a province. Well, slap me on a bust-enhanced sequin halter neck and call me Britney.
Not that the ANC needs the sequins to break into song. My favourite part of this weekend’s news was the other late ANC elective conference taking place in the country, in the North West (can you smell the desperation ahead of the local municipal elections?). Here that funky crowd-pleasing duo Jacob Zuma and Julius Malema got jiggy wit’ it together on stage, but crowds were barred from singing about anything else except Zuma and the ANC. I love it. The ANC and Bono are fighting for our right to sing whatever song we please, but don’t let your chaotic membership sing about their preferred leadership.
Because, like “Kill the Boer”, music has the potential to split us down racial lines in new and uglier ways. For Idols it meant a “Kenyan solution” when an adorable coloured contestant got pipped to the post by a white boy, and both were declared winners. For the Western Cape it means the most stupendously boring to-and-fro about coloured chairpersons versus black ones.
Ultimately, the hundreds of young South Africans, who for a brief moment saw a shot at fame, will shuffle home dejected, to carry on the mundane business of day-to-day living. The organisers of the competition will announce a winner and themselves cash in on the real prize in the form of adverts and endorsements. Capitalism is well-organised like that.
The ANC in the Western Cape, however, will continue their deluded grasp for power in the mad free-for-all that government has become. It’s no wonder really. With millions of tenders and contracts up for grabs, there are stars in their eyes alright.
As that quote-a-minute ANC secretary-general Gwede Mantashe said: “The ANC can’t continue to be a Cinderella party in the Western Cape.”
Of course not. The Idols hopefuls’ carriages turn back into pumpkins at midnight, but the ANC in the Western Cape will ride that fairytale whether they’re mice or men, and make damn sure they get to sit on the throne soon.
- You can read Verashni’s column every Monday here, and follow her on Twitter here.