The political world was rocked on Thursday by the news that Julius “Sello Vie” Malema, president of the ANC Youth League, is set to join the Democratic Alliance, the governing party of the Western Cape.
Malema (30 — but a young 30, obviously), is due to have his ANC membership revoked by a disciplinary hearing, on charges varying from “sowing division in the party by not sharing tenders”, to the more heinous “rhyming ‘Zuma’ with ‘Blooper’ in political songs”.
Initial speculation was that he would join the Pan Africanist Congress, but Malema himself dismissed this, saying: “A budget of R500 per month? Yes, that’s going to help me make a lot of political difference. The PAC is so useless, it comes pre-bribed.”
According to Leading Political Analysts, the DA would be the perfect party for the soon-to-be party-less Malema. Cape Town is such a small place, there would be significant savings on morning-after taxi fares, and there is nothing Capetonians like more than nouveau riche bling with no discernible source of income. Or, indeed, people with funny hats.
But would Malema be a good fit for the DA? Helen Zille, or “Beloved Madam” as her fanatical supporters have dubbed her, seems to think so.
Speaking to this reporter while taking time out from a protest vigil outside a new sushi restaurant that refuses to serve linefish, Zille said: “The one thing that the DA lacks to really make it a credible opposition party is that essential culture of corruption that separates the big parties from the small intimate gatherings in the corner.
“Currently, the ANC gets almost 100% of the coverage in the Sunday Times, the Mail & Guardian, City Press and that other paper no-one can ever remember. A recent survey has shown that nine out of 10 people snigger when asked ‘What can the DA do to advance your business/Arms Deal/job for your son?'”
“Time and again, we at the DA have tried to get the media to expose our corrupt deals, but with little success. If I was to be honest, the DA is useless at being corrupt. This is the kind of thing you can’t fake. Voters can sense incompetence — our recent attempt to award a R1-billion corrupt tender to TBWAHuntLascaris is a case in point, and made us a laughing stock. So far, the best we’ve managed to come up with is paying workers with the dop system. We desperately need a man of Malema’s talent to really get the media to pay attention to us. And as you know, history has shown that people vote for the party that the media picks on, because they hate the media more than corruption,” she added.
Will this odd coupling of Juju and Zuzu reignite the DA’s campaign to garner more popular support in South Africa? Yes. Yes it will.
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