Riaan Wolmarans
It’s not easy to ask an attractive waiter for a Screaming Orgasm or Sex on the Beach while keeping a straight face especially not after you’ve already had a few of either. But you’ll just get a stoical stare before you’re served a big multicoloured concoction with various straws, fruits and an umbrella or two.
Cocktails have come a long way since being either shaken or stirred and served to secret agents or little old ladies at Florida beach resorts. It doesn’t make for a cheap night out, though. Having compared four standards (Harvey Wallbanger, daiquiris, margaritas and Tequila Sunrise) at various venues, the prices range between R14 and R18 each. Fancier ones cost even more, and you might get home intoxicated and insolvent. Almost all the venues visited named strawberry daiquiris as the ladies’ favourite, while the men tend to down plenty of Long Island Iced Teas.
Bohemian Melville in Johannesburg is a good place to go cocktailing. Start off at Rat’z, the energetic bar in Seventh Street. Besides the usual suspects, you can order a Banana Rat (bananas, banana liqueur, vodka, Kahlua, Cape Velvet and cream), a delicious Melville Rat (Malibu, vodka, peach schnapps, orange and pineapple juice and blue Curaao) or such oddities as Rat’z Poison or a Rat on the Beach.
Down the road, Buzz 9 can serve you a California Spliff (the legal type, anyway) with Malibu, Galliano, passion fruit and orange juice, topped with cream. A sweet delight is the Chocolate Maffin (vodka with white crme de cacao), or put hair on your chest and your face on the table with Buzz Venom, a deadly mix of cane, dark rum, Kontiki red, pineapple juice, sour mix and Stroh rum.
Catz Pyjamas in Main Street, Melville, gets a special mention for its Mermaid’s Orgasm. There’s nothing fishy about this mix of peach schapps, Malibu, strawberry juice, pineapple juice and banana liqueur. Gay bar Akwa in Braamfontein has a Woo Woo (vodka, peach schnapps and cranberry juice) on the list try ordering that without grinning.
The Westcliff Hotel is renowned as much for its view as its (very expensive) and delightful cocktails. If you like to schmooze while you booze, the Hyatt Hotel in Rosebank offers good staple cocktails although try to put it on the expense account as you eye up the cabinet minister or trade union leader drinking alongside. Service is a bit slow though.
The News Cafes dotted around Gauteng tempt patrons with Pangalactic Gargle Blasters and Mammamattawas (I’m sure drunken people can’t pronounce these names), as well as Screaming Multiple Orgasms with plenty of vodka, Cape Velvet, cream and more.
n Marianne Merten reports that in Cape Town, there is life outside the Waterfront. And there are cocktails beyond Sex on the Beach, a Slow Comfortable Screw, Springboks or B52s.
Try the watermelon daiquiri at Jo’burg in Long Street! And the reputedly best Martinis shaken or stirred in town. Laid-back venue with cool music, interesting bar staff and pool tables. All cocktails are R14 during happy hour; otherwise it’s R18 across the board. It’s one of the few places where you can find the Kenyan drink Dawa, although it is the frozen version and not the original stick-to-crunch-the-blob-of-honey drink. Apart from traditional cocktails, there’s a chocolate martini. And there are some in-house inventions like Jo’iees Banana, the kicking Lydenburg Lemonade or Liquid Cocaine, described as “a sweet and delicious ladies’ sipper”.
Comfortable sofas, live jazz music and attentive waiters give Kennedy’s Cigar Club also in Long Street a luxurious atmosphere. How about sipping a Mojito (R18,50), a Cuban cocktail of rum, mint leaves and Angostura bitters made famous by writer Ernest Hemmingway under a photo of Castro? The wide range of cocktails includes classics like Mai Tai, daiquiri, Pina Colada and Kir Royale. But try some of Kennedy’s own concoctions like Banana Havana (R17,50), a tropical martini, or Wicked Wings (R28,50), a mix of five clear spirits, passion fruit and lime.
Bardeli, at the Longkloof Studio in Darter Road, offers cocktails at R13 during Happy Hour. This trendy bar/restaurant has a reputation of attracting the Beautiful People getting ready to go out clubbing. Situated right next door to the e.tv head office, there’s even a cocktail named etv Show Stopper (R21) a combination of Stroh rum, Spiced Gold and all sorts of other goodies. The Long Kloof Iced Tea, an in-house interpretation of the Long Island Iced Tea, can be ordered with Blue Bull for a change (R32). The Lemon Twister (R19) is a long-standing favourite as is the Woo Woo (R18). Friday nights a live DJ adds to the flavour.
Ya, Mon! Cool Runnings, in Kloof Street, is a cool joint with views of the mountain that give this branch an additional attraction over its Johannesburg and Durban counterparts. Lots of rum and lots of colour in their cocktails. There is the bright blue Cool Runnings Poison (R19,95). There is also Bob’s Drink (R19,95) named after reggae great Bob Marley. Try Giggle Juice (R16,95) at your own risk!
Papa Luke’s, in De Villiers Street, has the best frozen margaritas (R10,50) to be sipped between blood red walls with patches of exposed bricks. Next door are two music venues which attract the Mother City’s alternative crowds who take time out on the pool tables.
Try these websites for useful cocktail recipes: www.thecocktailpage.com; www.cocktail.com, or cocktailcrazy.virtualave.net