I’ve been a fan of U2 for a long time simply because they have always been about more than music and they’ve never shied away from political issues.
One U2 song in particular popped into my head while test-driving a rather exceptional vehicle recently. Run to You wasn’t one of their chart-topping hits in the early Nineties, but there is a line that has always found favour among my friends. ”A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.”
While feminist Gloria Steinem can be credited with the original ”a woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle”, it was Bono who made the saying famous on an entirely different level.
Just about every other woman who got into the Mercedes-Benz S-Class 320CDi I was test-driving questioned why any woman who owned an S-Class would ever need a man.
”I mean think about it,” one girlfriend encouraged. ”For a start, you’ve got these fantastic seat massagers … I can’t even remember when last my boyfriend gave me a massage. And the sides of the seats puff up when you drive around corners to give you a feeling of security so the car is actually giving you affirmations in a way. Then there’s the safety gizmos such as the traction whatyoucallit that make you look like a better driver and hey, why has my massage stopped?”
”Sorry, it stops after 15 minutes, I’ll start it up again,” I said quickly.
”One thing though, it doesn’t take out the garbage,” I quipped. ”Yeah, that and it costs about a million bucks,” she replied.
That is the unfortunate thing about a car as safe and revolutionary as the S-Class — not everyone can afford it and it will be a long time for the new technology to filter down to cheaper cars.
The first impression one gets of the new S-Class is how beautiful big can be. Few cars have taken up that much space in my driveway, but none have looked quite so attractive. The S-Class doesn’t try to hide the fact that it’s a behemoth — it celebrates it with huge tyres, a long wheelbase and the sort of overall dimensions that seem to give one more breathing room than a new townhouse in Johannesburg’s northern suburbs.
However, the fact that it’s just more than 5m long means that a regular three-point turn to get into or out of most parking becomes nothing less than a 10-point turn. After a few days, though, I did become quite used to its girth and managed to park fairly easily. Of course, it does help that the S-Class has parking sensors front and rear and a rear-mounted camera that not only gives you a view of what’s behind you, but instructs you on how you should be manouevring the car.
Inside, there is enough space for the fattest of fat-cats and the emphasis is on minimalism so there is no instrument clutter — just aircon controls, seat controls on the door panels and a few buttons around the command controller.
My test unit, the only diesel engine in the range, was surprisingly eager given that it is a measly 3,0-litre V6 that has to move an almost two tonne vehicle. The performance isn’t earth-shattering, but you are never made to feel that the 3,0-litre engine is struggling and it gets up to high speeds quite quickly thanks to a healthy 540Nm of torque.
The air suspension irons out most creases in our roads and the seven-speed automatic transmission is as smooth as silk.
Of course, there are only the best of creature comforts inside the car, such as a six-disc Harmon Kardon radio/CD player, full leather interior and electric controls for practically everything.
But it is the safety features, such as the distronic cruise control, that won me over. Set the speed to 60kph, for example, and this feature takes over to maintain that speed. However, when it detects another car in front travelling at a slower speed, it will reduce speed and even bring the car to a complete stop. It will also speed up again once the vehicle in front starts moving and all the driver has to worry about is steering. And there’s the usual host of safety features such as ABS, ESP, ASR, BAS and so on.
The optional extra night vision on the S-Class, which gives you an accurate black-and-white video feed via infra-red cameras, is quite useful on the open road. In built-up areas, it is a distraction because roads are well lit and the car doesn’t offer more of a view than what you can see through the windscreen. However, on highways, it proves helpful if you train yourself to use it the way it should be — as a driver aid and not as a substitute for looking over the dashboard and out of the windscreen.
Twenty five years ago Mercedes-Benz pioneered the development of the airbag and I can only hope the technology fitted in to the new S-Class becomes affordable much faster so that more people can feel the sense of safety and comfort I experienced in this car.
The S-Class 320CDi costs R735 000