Jewish mysticism is the latest Hollywood fad, writes Emma Forrest
The idea of the body beautiful being hackneyed beyond belief, celebrities are now going for the soul. Movie stars have reached such infinities of wealth and fame that their films are largely irrelevant. So they have to be known for something else. Lisa Marie Presley and John Travolta have Scientology, Buddhism can claim every A- lister from Richard Gere to Sharon Stone. Meeting the Dalai Lama is not merely an audience with a Living God but a fashion moment right up there with the Oscars.
For those who feel Buddhism is a little old hat, the latest craze is Kabbala, the mystic brand of Judaism. Barbra Streisand, Donna Karan and the remodelled Courtney Love are passionate subscribers and Madonna holds Kabbala parties at her home.
Emergency Kabbala classes have been arranged to cope with the overflow of devotees at the Beverley Hills synagogue. Madonna needs to swing a chicken over her head. If that sounds like a misspelling on a pamphlet on What Jews Do, you have to understand that Kabbala is not really Judaism.
Kabbala means received tradition and comes from Zohar, a book written in the second century. It was systemised by the 13th- century rabbi Nachmanides and practised by Jewish mystics who had emanations of God. Its purpose was to connect a finite universe with an infinite God, to account for the existence of evil and to achieve perfection in life.
The atmosphere of Kabbala is like a seance and has therefore been largely ignored by traditional Judaism. Although it surfaced briefly in the 1960s with Aleister Crowleys devotees, Kabbala is obscure because it takes a long time to master.
Consequently, many Jews are alarmed at the way Kabbala has taken off. The Jewish Chronicles Gerald Jacobs says: In the past a lot of harm has been done through ignorance of Judaism, so any attempts to understand it should be applauded. However, I really cant see that this is the way in.
Louis Rodriguez, an Anglican ordinand at Saint Stevens House, Oxford, England, with a special interest in Jewish-Christian relations, says: The Kabbala craze is another way people can be religious cheaply. Its spirituality without any cost or sacrifice. Id be surprised if Madonna is actually going into Kabbala, because its very esoteric, almost like early Christian Gnosticism. There is no short cut to spiritual enlightenment. There is no book you can read or a class you can go to.
And while you might understand Streisand searching for a new shade of her own religion, the idea of Madonna wanting to be a Jew is bizarre. Madonna is the second most Catholic person after the pope. Its such an ingrained part of her music, her look, her performance. Catholicism, in common with Judaism, runs through you like a stick of rock.
If Madonna wanted to dabble in mysticism, she could have found it in Catholicism. St Teresa of Avila, the 16th-century Spanish Carmelite nun, wrote in Interior Castle that your soul is like a mansion and your entering into different rooms will bring you closer to God. If Madonna wants to be an elitist, she could have gone to the truly strange, 15th-century Cloud of Unknowing, which starts with this warning: This kind of mystical prayer is not for everyone. If you are unsure PUT IT DOWN.
But celebrities, like kids at Christmas, always find the unopened parcel the most appealing. If the rumours that Madonna is about to convert are true, then she is in for a big shock.
First of all, baby Lourdes is going to have to change her name. If she wants something fancy she can have Bathsheba. Second, Judaism is a very down-to-earth religion and Kabbala is not. One accepts that the entire fabric of celebrity society is based on empty gestures, but their ecclesiastical tourism is something normal people get over before they leave home.
There was a period when I wore a black slip dress, crucifi xand fountain-pen stigmata to school and all other social occasions. It was a combination of Fellinis women, the Dolce & Gabbana ad campaign and Madonnas Like a Prayer video that made us want to be a Catholic. One presumes that Madonna went for Judaism for reasons just as deep. One theory is that she is in love with a Jew. Or that she likes the Elsa Peretti Star of David pendant better than the crucifix. Or that shes doing a remake of Funny Girl.
The most likely theory is that Madonnas truest expression of self was not the flirtations with sado-masochism or lesbianism but Vogue, in which she lists the golden age of Hollywood stars who have inspired her. Converting to Judaism was very much done in those days because it was everywhere.
Sammy Davis Jr and his Swedish wife Mai Britt lighting the Friday night candles was, apparently, a sight to behold. And the classic sirens made it their religion of choice, from Elizabeth Taylor to Marilyn Monroe. If Shanghai Surprise, Whos That Girl and then Evita couldnt turn Madonna into a bona fide screen icon, then maybe Judaism can. It worked for Barbra.
Jacobs explains: The Kabbala craze is a combination of superstition and fashion, which is why the old scholars are guarded about it all.
The scholars have also noted, most likely, the huge contribution Hollywood has made to the furtherance of Buddhism. The phenomenal interest in all things Tibetan has culminated in the Brad Pitt film Seven Years in Tibet, not to mention Sharon Stone meeting the Dalai Lama. She was wearing an Armani white shantung silk dress.
Thats it. In their post-plastic-surgery, pre-millennium trawl through designer religion, celebrities are admitting that $30-million per picture doesnt buy you happiness, that they want to feel like normal humans and that they still have that feeling that theres something missing. But celebrities, as F Scott Fitzgerald said of the rich, are different. What they cant seem to grasp is that it is that feeling of having something missing that is the real eternal human condition.
The most likely theory is that Madonnas truest expression of self was not the flirtations with sado-masochism or lesbianism but Vogue, in which she lists the golden age of Hollywood stars who have inspired her. Converting to Judaism was very much done in those days because it was everywhere. Sammy Davis Jr and his Swedish wife Mai Britt lighting the Friday night candles was, apparently, a sight to behold. And the classic sirens made it their religion of choice, from Elizabeth Taylor to Marilyn Monroe. If Shanghai Surprise, Whos That Girl and then Evita couldnt turn Madonna into a bona fide screen icon, then maybe Judaism can. It worked for Barbra.
Of course it is more usual for artists and writers to convert to Catholicism which, with its rituals and incense, is considered the most aesthetic of religions. Jews, with their history of search and inquiry, have looked around like everyone else. Leonard Cohen now lives as a Buddhist monk and the Beastie Boys Adam Yauch is in training.
And if Madonna really wants to be a Jew, well, she helped me through many difficult years, so come on in. Religion should be like a club they cant just let anyone join. I elect myself doorman of whos allowed into the VIP lounge and Courtney Love is just going to have to wait. Ten years studying the Kabbala or, even better, if she were to marry a Hassidim, shave her head and move to Stamford Hill and Ill believe shes for real.