David Beresford
Another Country
South Africa is about to ban discrimination, which, considering this country’s track record in the 20th century and previously, seems a reasonable thing to do. In fact, it is to be outlawed from February 4 2000. This can be stated with the certainty of constitutional edict, the founding document of our “rainbow nation” having decreed that discrimination will cease for all lawful purposes on that date.
What would happen if the country failed to meet this deadline is not clear, the Constitution having failed to explain what measures would come into effect in such circumstances. Possibly the founding fathers felt it was better to leave it to the imagination which is, of course, always much more terrifying than setting threats out in specific detail.
Will the kraken awake? Perhaps it explains why television ran seemingly endless repeats of Independence Day over the festive season – as a subliminal warning to the public that if things were not sorted out by February 4 they would suffer the gruesome attentions of … well, things writhing around in alien spacecraft.
In retrospect Neville Chamberlain might have been much better advised to have told Herr Hitler that he’d better get out of Poland, “or else …!” If he had then stopped, leered horribly at the cameras and perhaps dribbled a bit it could have sent der Fhrer hurrying back along the road to Vienna, or whatever rock was his home address. As it was, by specifying “war” he … well, no need to enlarge on that.
But, to return to the more immediate historical crossroads at hand, no such punitive measures – whether specific or imaginary – would anyway seem to be called for against our legislators in the light of the energy and determination with which they are throwing themselves at all forms of discrimination.
Last year, in anticipation of February 4, they produced the Promotion of Equality and Prevention of Unfair Discrimination Bill. The sweeping approach adopted in this formidable piece of legislation found expression in its definition of “unfair discrimination”, which it holds out to be “an act or omission, including any condition, requirement, policy, situation, rule or practice, that has, or is likely to have, the direct or indirect effect of unjustly or unfairly causing disadvantage to a person or group of persons on one or more of the prohibited grounds”.
The “prohibited” grounds were declared to include “race, gender, sex, pregnancy, marital status, ethnic or social origin, colour, sexual orientation, age, disability, religion, conscience, belief, culture, language and birth or any other recognised ground”.
The most provocative aspect of the proposed law, however, is its failure to specify the use of the word “disabled” as outlawed, along with similarly offensive synonyms – handicapped, victims, invalid, etcetera. Not only does it fail to include the “D” word in a list of naughty nouns handily provided, but it repeatedly and unblushingly uses the “D” word itself, in reference to one group which has long suffered discrimination! Clearly martyrs are needed. Or, to put it another way, there is no such thing as a free lunch.
It is, therefore, with a sense of regret that contingency plans to mobilise the Enabled People’s Liberation Army (Epla) are now being implemented. A one-legged courier is at this moment legging it to Cambridge to offer Stephen Hawking (patronage pending) the position of chief-of-staff. In the interim, the Army Council has framed the terms of engagement.
Random car bombs and knee-capping have been deemed inappropriate to the struggle. Instead, volunteers are urged to keep a sharp lookout for the enemy who, it needs be appreciated, are all around us and liable to launch attacks on our self-pride with no advance notification.
On identifying them, volunteers are urged to yell Epla’s battle-cry – “no to the `D’ word, yes to the `E’ words” (“enabled” and “empowered”, stupid) – and to launch themselves upon their targets without further ado and with whatever weapon comes to hand, tripping them up with crutches, mowing them down with wheelchairs and so on and so forth …
El pueblo unido jamas sera vencido!