Amish erotica and Luke Skywalker in South Park

So you have a cat, and a laser scanner. Ever considered combining them? There’s a long-running site where you can browse the pix of people who’ve done this. And some of the pix are truly crazy.
(NO cats get hurt while doing this - although I’m sure some fur gets ruffled.) Go browse through the madness in the archives of CatScans!: www.cat-scan.com/

Picture a guy who wants to get his sister a perfect boyfriend - but at the same time, seems utterly and cheerfully paranoid. And keeping an eye on his sisters virtue, turns into a fully fledged surveillance operation, complete with hidden cameras, bugs and people following her on dates. Take a look at the insanity of The Date My Sister Project!: www.thespark.com/science/sister/

The people in charge of our national airline probably wouldn’t put a link to this next page, but if you’re curious about the odds on dying violently in an airplane - then use the handy trip calculator to work out the odds at Am I Going Down?: www.amigoingdown.com/

Find some cool local sites, went the brief, and it took some hunting. Nonetheless, amidst the blandness, there are some lurking undercurrents. For a look at a local take on UFO’s and some of our subcultures, try Webtrance: www.webtrance.co.za Then for some pretty interesting data on the Bible and Cults, Millenia: www.millennia.co.za/worldwatch/bible.htm and Cults: www.millennia.co.za/worldwatch/cults.htm

Then for a whole bunch of resources and links for the local gay community, shake that feather boa en route to ZA Gay Pride Page: www.q.co.za/contents.htm

What happens when you combine the best bits of the anarchic South park, along with the major bits from the Star Wars franchise? You end up with a fairly bizarre oddity known as Star Park!: www.jedinet.com/starpark/

You always thought the Amish were a simple, deeply spiritual community - well, according to this next site that doesn’t seem to be the case. Before you get worried, this is a parody of all those sex sites you’ve accidentally looked at, while doing research. Go see ‘chicks with sticks’ and the real ‘butter-churning action’ in Amish Heat!: eel.sexsexworld.com/amishheat/amishheat.html

Ever had the urge to go snooping and exploring through underground drains, abandoned factories and all kinds of fairly dangerous places, just for the heck of it? Me neither - luckily though, there are modern day adventurers who find this cool, and go exploring everywhere they can, that they shouldn’t. Looks interesting but dangerous, (and don’t try this at home, kids). Urban Adventures: www.urbanadventure.org/

Alternatively, if you’re after adventure of the more traditional kind, put on your asbestos suit and see how close to an erupting volcano you can get, at Volcano Live!: www.volcanolive.com/

Someone is into the Goth scene and seems to suffers from way too much free time. A man’s home is his castle, goes the old saying - and it seems to also be his car. Or her car, as the case may be. Take a look at what one woman, a lot of imagination, and like I said, way too much free time can do at CarThedral: www.carthedral.com/

The folks who’re on the anti-drug talk-show circuit won’t like it, but knowledge is power, folks. Have a look a site dealing with ‘the complex relationship between humans and psychoactives’. It’s a big site with a lot of very interesting and useful data on a wide range of drugs - it even has the two most dangerous drugs covered - nicotine and alcohol. Chase the white rabbit to The Vaults of Erowid: www.erowid.org/index.shtml

For reviews of movies so bad they make Leon Schuster look like Eisenstein, get the popcorn ready at GonzoRiffic!: www.geocities.com/gonzoriffic/

Finally, just to prove the Net isn’t a haven for useless information, flush after examining The White House Plumbing: www.theplumber.com/white.html

Until the next time, if local website owners and cat fans don’t get me.

Ian Fraser is a playwright, author, comedian, conspiracy nut, old-time radio collector and self-confessed data-junkie. Winner of numerous Vita and Amstel Awards, he’s been an Internet addict and games fanatic since around 1995, when the Internet began to make much more sense than theatre.