Two stories in the news this week had the manne shaking their heads about people in public service being overzealous in the execution of their duties.
The first incident happened during a typical Gauteng day, when a paramedic was arrested after stealing a cellphone off the dead body of a robber, who had been gunned down in a high-speed chase along the M1.
The paramedic’s superior, Turffontein fire station commander Johan Hugo, was quoted in The Star as saying: ”We preach to them every day that if it’s not yours, leave it alone.”
The second incident was a bit more serious. A five-member police sub-aqua unit at Lake Kariba left the scene of an accident — where, in the words of a Herald writer, ”a hippo had hit a canoe with two people” — to rescue Zimbabwean Minister of State for Information and Publicity Jonathan Moyo when his houseboat started sinking.
Moyo — who plays Goebbels to Mad Bob Hitler — and his family were reported to still be in a state of shock days after the event, but Oom Krisjan cannot fathom why. On the principle that shit floats they were never really imperilled — even though, reading between the lines of the Herald report, they’d done so many dangerous things they deserved to drown.
Apparently the fibreglass-bottomed houseboat had been holed when it hit a tree — careless if you’re on a road, downright daft if you’re on water. Secondly, there were no life jackets aboard. Thirdly, the two smaller boats that were being towed behind the larger craft — and into which everyone piled when the houseboat started to submerge — did not have sufficient fuel to reach the dock (that’s when the distress signal was sent out).
The manne believed Zimbabwe would have been better served had the sub-aqua unit remained to take care of the hippo.
In the poo
On the subject of excrement, Lemmer is perplexed by the mixed signals being sent out by the rulers of Jozi. Mere weeks after the introduction of national laws aimed at reducing the number of plastic bags that litter our landscape, the Jozi metro has decided to amend the city’s bylaws so that citizens who walk their dogs in public open spaces will have to clean up after their dogs.
Considering the price of those ”pooper-scoopers” sold in pet shops, Lemmer believes most dog lovers will resort to the cheaper trowel-and-plastic-bag method of canine hygiene. You don’t have to be Mohammed Valli Moosa to know that dog shit degrades a whole lot faster than the new, thicker government-approved bags.
Pass notes
The manne have taken note that the University of Cape Town has awarded an honorary doctorate to Pieter-Dirk Uys. Mail & Guardian columnist Robert Kirby dropped in the other day for his usual witblitz and Fanta and was asked how he felt about the award.
”I’m delighted,” said Robert. ”Giving Pieter-Dirk a honorary doctorate in English literature is a most positive move by the UCT English department. It could well encourage him to learn how to write.”
Feeding the rumours
A normally sober source tells Oom that Mbhazima Shilowa and Bantu Holomisa were spotted having dinner together at an exclusive Sandton restaurant earlier this month. They were part of an ”intimate group” of about eight. Is a return to the fold on the cards for Holomisa or is Uncle Sam pondering a move in the other direction?
Di Another Day
The English tabloid press is legendary for its devotion to incredibly witty headlines backed up by the sort of story you’d expect to find in the National Enquirer.
So when Oom Krisjan saw that the Daily Mail (no relation to the M&G‘s website, but try telling that to the lady from Birmingham who is still outraged that she hasn’t got the poster of the Liverpool soccer team that she sent off 10 coupons for) had a story headlined ”Princess Diana is a mutant”, he wasn’t sure what to expect.
Imagine his delight when he discovered that the author of that quote wasn’t some UFO nut, but Joe Quesada, editor in chief at Marvel Comics. Apparently Princess Who is the first real-life celebrity to be resurrected as a character in X-Statix, a spin-off from X-Men, in which mutants ”have agents, negotiate fees for image rights, open megastores and live the dream”, according to Peter Milligan, the writer of the comic.
”People die in my comic. We even have a character called Dead Girl,” he says. ”So I thought it was time we had a real dead girl in the team, and, clearly, Diana was made for X-Statix: someone famous for being famous. In the world of the X-Men, the mutants are feared and hated. In X-Statix, they have turned this around and made themselves stars — glamorous, rich and powerful. That seems, to me, to be pretty much what Diana did inside the royal family.”
According to Marvel’s spiel for Di Another Day, ”Everyone’s favourite Royal, Princess Diana, is back from the dead and on her comeback tour … and it’s up to the X-Statix to keep her alive … again! Can our mutant super-team protect Di from a nasty crew of mutant Euro-trash dead set on sending her back where she came from?”
A Buckingham Palace source said: ”This is utterly appalling.”
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