Mine union boss to mein host
The manne were pretty flummoxed by the goings-on at Gallagher Estate this week. In a bollemakiesie that would have given Arthur Scargill an apoplexy, the Congress of South African Trade Unions — which has spent a good few weeks slagging off activists who have joined the black bourgeoisie — heaped adulation on those for whom the workers work.
First in line to hear the songs of praise at Cosatu’s congress was the prez. Before flitting off on another mission (impossible) to save the world, Thabo Mbeki must have been gratified at the rousing round of applause he received when he ranted on about saving African lives across the continent. The delegates were in forgiving mood, considering the thousands of jobs shed by the government-owned Telkom and Eskom, which Mbeki didn’t mention.
Next in line for star treatment was Minister of Health Manto Tshabalala-Msimang, who was also acting president this week. Well, Lemmer knows she is a big hit with the boss. But then Cosatu general secretary Zwelinzima Vavi went on to announce that he had put in a request that she remain acting president until the end of the federation’s conference — which is the rest of the week. Vavi’s comments were followed by a round of approving applause from the workers. Wonder if those workers, who have in past protested against the government’s reluctance to provide anti-retrovirals to those with HIV and Aids, know something about Manto that we don’t.
The feeling that the workers are being a very gullible bunch was underlined when they honoured former activists Cyril Ramaphosa and Jay Naidoo — now among the leading lights of the new black bourgeoisie. And they called Ramaphosa’s name out several times. Oom Krisjan wonders if it had anything to do with the fact that his company, Johnnic, owns Gallagher Estate.
Turncoats
The manne have also been puzzling about a strange Cosatu custom — that of honouring the likes of Mbeki and Deputy President Jacob Zuma by wrapping them in blankets.
Now we don’t question Cosatu’s right to honour their alliance partners. What was odd, and what had us ordering extra Klippies to help us think, was that Mbeki got a red blanket and Zuma a yellow one. Does that mean anything? Yes, the red and yellow reinforce the Cosatu brand, which anyone knows is one of the strongest in South Africa.
But we’ve also been listening to people like African National Congress general secretary Kgalema Motlanthe — much given to conspiracy theories, especially when it comes to Zuma — and we began to wonder if Thabo’s red blanket referred to his communist past and Zuma’s yellow blanket to … who knows? Some more brandies and a couple of calls to Jozi later, though, it all began to fall into place. The ANC rapping unionists over the knuckles one minute, sucking up to them the next … all that Cosatu talk about the ruling party selling out the working class, the talk of turncoats betraying the people’s struggle — and then we learnt that the blankets are, in fact, neither simply red nor yellow. They are reversible. Aha!
Acting up
A story doing the rounds seeks to explain the inexplicable: how could Mbeki appoint Manto as acting prez while he and Zuma were out of the country?
Apparently it was feared that if any more capable person was appointed, the people wouldn’t want Mbeki and Zuma back.
(For those who see a sexist angle in newspapers referring to the health minister/acting prez by her first name only, Lemmer would like to offer this old saw in our defence: Why do people write ”Fuck the pope” on walls? Because it’s easier than writing ”Fuck the moderator of the synod of the Dutch Reformed Church”.)
Die ware Jakob
The Eastern Cape Moral Regeneration steering committee is driving off in some strange directions. Announcing that Zuma would be officiating at a Moral Regeneration launch in Bisho on September 19, the committee’s media release told how Zuma would lead a ”high-profile delegation” of ministers, Eastern Cape Premier Makhenkese Stofile, MPs and other dignitaries.
”In a bid to turn around this unacceptable situation,” it went on to say, ”the present democratic Givernment has among other things, established the Moral Regeneraton Movement.”
Lemmer is not sure whether this is the crassness of grammar found in most media releases, or a very, very subtle commentary on moral degeneration.
Crème de la Kremlin
No one can say the SABC lets its output remain carefree and independent of Kremlin mind-control. Diana Kohler-Barnard, replacement host for Nigel Murphy on SAfm’s The Editors discussion programme, has now been instructed to have her guest list of journalists approved by chief news department commissar, Comrade Pippa Green. As the manne say: Big Sister is Now Watching You As Well.
Twisted sister
Oom Krisjan and several other Dorsbult regulars will be heading to Orania (if we can find it) this weekend, for the unveiling of a monument to the koeksister.
The denizens of the Afrikaner enclave either have too much money or too much time on their hands, so, in recognition of this Boer culinary staple, they have decided to erect a 2m-high statue near the local swembad.
Not only will we get to see this brilliant new addition to our cultural heritage, we’re likely to enter the koeksister eating competition on Saturday.
The much-desired prize is a silver pendant, in the shape of a koeksister.