If you’re a fan of history, I’m sure you’re also familiar with the great William J Le Petomane who farted professionally (and in tune) for very happy audiences at the Moulin Rouge and other places. Point being, to see a modern day Le Petomane in action, go stare in awe and download audio clips of the frightening Mister Methane. The explosive clips are available via the ‘my album’ link. Or just be mean and do a search on Kazaa for Mr Methane to hear a wind instrument of the sort that the ANC should be using for their Moral Regeneration choir fetish idiocy.
To show that I do know the important parts of history, read about The French Farter. And for an interesting and accurate article (watch out for the occasional adult ads, though) take a look at the photographs and read about The Master Farter.
So, that soul of yours is just sitting useless somewhere deep inside your body, overwhelmed by the crap you eat, watch, drink and are told. You probably don’t even notice that you have a soul or that you could make good money from it right now. Luckily there are sites online to help you sell your soul and trade it in for a vaguely decent existence here on this physical plane. Go check out the wonderful options open to you at We Want Your Soul. Then, if you need a pet en route to worldly happiness, you can always Adopt a Demon.
Alternatively, you could have a good look through the photographs of Iraq now (ones that the mainstream media and your glossy fashion magazines aren’t showing you) at A Week In The Life of Baghdad.
After that fun, look at life under the yoke of American occupation. You might need to flush the head a little so try some cartoons. Go to Art Comics.
Remember all that insider trading immediately prior to 911 — where certain companies and people made millions of dollars because they knew the attacks were coming? Well, the FBI have decided that although untold millions were made, it wasn’t deliberate and they’re not saying who. Read the news report FBI Closes 911 Insider Trading Investigation.
Need a little prawn in your life? For all the hardcore prawn you ever wanted, including close-up prawn shots and celebrity prawn, don’t shrimp out. Just go directly to Prawnography.
Then for prawn of a different kind, and this is just an odd ‘uniform fetish’ in action. What do you do if you are wildly obsessed with airline stewardesses uniforms? Do you keep quiet about it? Or do you make a webpage with shop dummies clothed in assorted airline stewardesses outfits? It’s a silly question, I suppose. Go look at Uniform Freak.
Funny how former British Environment Minister Michael Meacher accidentally let slip that both the Afghanistan and Iraq wars were planned ahead of 911.
Longtime readers will recall the DEA report on Israeli spies posing as ‘art students’ which attracted attention ahead of 911. Well, Canada has recently arrested and is deporting nine Israeli ‘art student’ spies. And although the news report mysteriously disappeared off the Ottawa Sun‘s site within hours of it being published, read the mirrored news item here. Canada Deports Israeli ‘Art Student’ Spies and Canada Deports Spies.
Gear change. You know Bonsai? The Japanese art of — well — torturing and stunting the growth of plants and trees to make them appear aesthetically pleasing to the eye? Don’t get me wrong, I like it — but hey, let’s call a spade a spade, okay? Anyhow. This isn’t a lead into some elegant Bonsai site. Instead, go and ponder the universe in all its glory at Bonsai Potato.
An idle thought: thinking of rotten vegetables…. Is it just me or is it the ultimate sick joke, to have fought for democracy only to have the police tell us now to ‘trust them’ as far as crime statistics go? Why should we? Aren’t these plebs in blue paid by our taxes? Doesn’t this make them our public servants? And more importantly, what would the chief of police charge if I wanted him to clean my windows and do my dishes? (Actually, I don’t think he’d be competent enough to handle the task.)
And speaking of the head of the SAP, let’s look at puppets. Or rather — dolls. Not just any dolls, but dolls of the type you wouldn’t want to necessarily give your kids. Go browse through the wonderfully bizarre and oddly beautiful Living Dead Dolls.
Or for something equally weird and visually striking, go find out everything you always wanted to know about the Little Folk in the Emerald Isles at A Field Guide to Irish Fairies.
Something for fans of science, the esoteric, or just habitual collectors is this next site dedicated to Alchemy, the forerunner to what we today call ‘science’. Tons of texts, articles and goodies to grab. Go take a look at Alchemy.
It’s ‘Salvador Dali has escaped’ time. Grab your hair clippers and head off to this next site, filled with more whiskers than the body pit in the back garden at your local SPCA. Clip your way to The Handlebar Club.
If you speak to anyone involved with trying to get rid of the rising numbers of corpses locally, business here is booming. Death is a growth industry in South Africa. But just because there’re dead and dying all over the place, it doesn’t mean we have to lose your sense of humour, right? Go see what cute gifts you can buy victims or survivors at the macabre but fun City Morgue Gift Shop.
Remember the cult flick Harold and Maude, where the lead character enjoyed riding around in a hearse? Well, he’s not alone in his choice of wheels. Go browse through the large collection of photographs of hearses owned by happy (albeit slightly morbid) car fans at Grim Rides Funeral Car Club.
Given the outrageous cost of narcotics these days (and no, stop whining, I don’t do drugs. Get a life and a sense of humour), what can be better than picking up a nice big chunky piece of crack cocaine straight off the internet. No shady alleys necessary at all to complete the deal. Send someone you know a nice piece of crack. Maybe those hardworking statistic-scared folks in the Ministry of Law and Order could do with a flood of emails containing pictures of narcotics and a happy greeting. Go Send Someone Virtual Crack Cocaine.
Until the next time, if fake statistics don’t get me.