If the finance minister can have his ”Tips for Trevor”, perhaps the new arts and culture minister should invite the public to submit their ”Pointers for Pallo”. Given the experience of the past few years under his ”Bollocks for Ben” predecessor, perhaps the following points can get the ball rolling.
It’s not a good idea to tell the arts community to go to hell. It’s like the minister of tourism telling tourists to get lost. Which they may very well do under the new minister. But it’s not great public relations. There might be times when you think it. Even believe it. But don’t say it. Especially not on national radio.
In your stint as minister, you will probably pass a few laws. Try not to break them. If you want to get rid of someone from a public institution who has the audacity to question you, make sure that you do it within the law. You’d be well advised to get a second opinion. That way, you will save yourself the embarrassment of having to climb down later when real lawyers get in on the act.
For the past 10 years — perhaps as a sop to Zulu culture — the minister has been a bigamist, with science and technology the favoured mistress and arts and culture the battered wife. You now have the opportunity to give the sector the attention it deserves. Treat it like a cherished lover. As Dr Ruth will tell you, the best thing for a relationship is to communicate. May I suggest a regular, intimate column under the rubric ”Pallo Talk”?
Sometimes you’ll come across a whistle-blower or two. There might be value in listening to them and in investigating what they tell you, rather than simply accepting the word of those who stand accused and who may be industry icons or people who you appointed. Investigations and appropriate action will prevent you from having to mothball anything and you might even save a few hundred artists’ jobs. Try to hear the message rather than apply your traditional weapons to the messenger.
Please set a better example for your director general. You might remember that he first agreed to speak at the launch of an umbrella arts network, withdrew and then, when he was asked to reconsider, he famously wrote back to say that he would not come on that occasion ”and not ever on any other you may be tempted to invite me to”. He’s been there for more than a year now, and he’s kept true to his word, engaging in rounds of golf rather than with the arts sector. Is there an empowered equivalent of a Dale Carnegie course for senior government officials, perhaps?
There will be many opportunities for you to travel, but do try to spend some time here. Not all good South African art and artists are in New York, Europe and Australia. Face the festivals. Patronise the provinces. Tour the townships. These also earn rewards, not just voyager miles.
Should you have an adviser, even if you think he’s the best thing next to a 10-day official engagement in Bali, it might not be such a good idea to appoint him, his wife and their dog to every public board in sight. It creates conflicts of interest and perceptions of poor governance and nepotism. Workers get upset. They go on strike. And if your adviser is involved in a legal dispute with an arts company and you appoint an independent commission to resolve the matter, don’t bury the report if it doesn’t paint as good an impression of him as he might of himself. Not if you want the world to believe that you understand that fairness refers to more than just colouring.
Make sure that ”the right channels” work. It’s very frustrating when letters go unanswered, when appointments are not kept, when telephones just ring. Artists are then obliged to use other channels, sometimes more public (often more embarrassing) channels. This leads to a spiral of bad blood that doesn’t result in many good-natured tea parties.
I know it may be difficult, but it’s best to ignore those end-of-year ministerial report cards so loved by the media. These can be a bit of a blow to the ego, but if you do well during the year, it’s generally recognised in your end-of-year score. If you score badly, it’s probably because you deserve it. Try harder the next year. Whatever you do, don’t get your communications flunky to write a long letter to the media to argue why you should have received an ”A” rather than a ”G”. It’s so uncool. The media are not the enemy. Poor delivery is.
There’s no guarantee, but if you follow most of the above, you probably won’t have to beg the president for an ambassadorial posting to Outer Mongolia before your term is up.