Calm down, calm down. When unbeaten Premiership champions Arsenal kick off the season with the Community Shield showdown against FA Cup holders Manchester United on Sunday in Cardiff, you won’t be seeing the two best clubs in the land.
You’ll have to wait a week to see that, when Sir Alex Ferguson’s United, complete with new signings Alan Smith and Gabriel Heinze, go to Chelsea’s Stamford Bridge, where we have witnessed a 21st-century gold rush.
I mean, just look who their Russian billionaire owner Roman Abramovich has allowed his new manager, Jose Mourinho, to buy: Didier Drogba (£24-million, Marseille), Petr Cech (£7-million, Rennes), Arjen Robben (£12-million, PSV Eindhoven), Paulo Ferreira (£13,2-million, Porto), Marteja Kezman (£5-million, PSV), Tiago (£8-million, Benfica), Ricardo Carvalho (£19,85-million, Porto).
Not bad is it? Cech, the Czech No 1, and Robben arrived just before the departure of much-loved Claudio Ranieri for Valencia. The rest are Mourinho signings, each fabulously reimbursed for moving to west London.
That takes the spending spree over £90-million on transfers alone. That’s more than the rest of the Premiership spent combined during the off-season — and more than Ferguson has spent in his 18 years (and eight titles) at United.
And that’s why Chelsea, like Blackburn in 1995, will be able to turn around come May 2005 and say: ‘Yes, we bought the Championship, but it’s my toy shop so bugger off.â€
That’s if football-crazed Abramovich, current value £47-billion, sticks around that long of course. Previous sugar daddies have been and gone. When Jack Walker’s chequebook thinned down at Rovers, they were relegated.
Chelsea could yet face a similar meltdown if Abramovich finds himself under pressure back home where questions have been asked about his oily fortune.
But for now, most long-suffering Chelsea fans, without a title since the far-off 1950s, are living in hope and wearing their blue heart on their sleeves. Throughout the troubled Ken Bates era, under managers such as Glenn Hoddle and Ruud Gullit, Gianluca Vialli and finally Ranieri, they threatened and even won a few FA Cups. But they were never real contenders.
Mourinho, shock winner of the Champions League with Porto last season, assumes control of a side which finished second in the Premiership last season and got further than Manchester United and Arsenal in the Champions League.
I really can’t see him going backwards. He has given each player a written explanation of what he expects off and on the pitch, he is scientific in his approach and says things like: ‘I don’t see why we can’t win it in my first year, but if we don’t we will be patient.â€
Sure, he started off as Bobby Robson’s interpreter at Sporting Lisbon in the early 1990s but hey, some people are just quick learners. And when you’ve got Abramovich’s sort of money to spend, it does help.
A quick glance at the ins and outs over the summer will reveal that champions Arsenal, who signed only average goalkeeper Jens Lehmann for £1,5-million last season, have managed to bring in just four players, only the first of them for a significant fee, but we aren’t being told much by their accountants: Robin van Persie (undisclosed, Feyenoord), Arturo Lupoli (scholarship, Parma), Manuel Alumina (undisclosed, Celta Vigo), Mathieu Flamini (undisclosed, Marseille).
They’ve let 10 well-paid players go over the same period, including match-winners like Ray Parlour and Nwankwo Kanu — and, according to last Thursday’s papers, Patrick Vieira for £23-million to Real Madrid. And don’t forget, Martin Keown has come to the end of his Highbury career too, off to Leicester as a player/coach.
Surely even the great Arsène Wenger can’t carry on producing miracles on the cheap?
Arsenal seem to be more worried about their new stadium at Ashburton Grove than their immediate attempt to defend the title.
Sure, Jose Antonio Reyes, their biggest recent signing last January, is playing well pre-season. But if they lose Vieira and start the season with Thierry Henry and Sol Campbell injured, how do they maintain that fabled unbeaten record?
With Ferguson all fired up for the new season, along with his old warhorse Roy Keane, I see the top three finishing 1 Chelsea, 2 Manchester United, 3 Arsenal.
The question is, will anyone break in to that elite band?
Liverpool were closest last time, finishing fourth, but they’ve only purchased Djibril Cisse (£14-million from Auxerre) and £2-million Malaga defender Josemi.
But the vital signing came off the pitch. Dithering Gerard Houllier is gone, in comes Valencia saviour Raphael Benitez — and the imminent departures of local heroes Michael Owen and Stephen Gerrard were immediately put on hold.
Newcastle have made some interesting signings. Patrick Kluivert’s arrival from Barcelona, along with Leeds’s talented teenager James Milner and Manchester United’s tough midfielder Nicky Butt, suggested a possible role as title contenders.
But in-fighting between boss Sir Bobby Robson and the board, along with the political problems presented by Alan ‘Undroppable†Shearer, may hamper the Magpies’ bid.
I can see Liverpool threatening the top three but Newcastle, like Steve Bruce’s Birmingham and David O’Leary’s Aston Villa, will remain in a sort of Premier B situation — the best of the rest, if you like.
Middlesbrough are my surprise choice to finish fifth though, after Steve McClaren signed Mark Viduka from Leeds, Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink from Chelsea and Michael Reiziger from Barcelona, not forgetting Parlour from Arsenal, who can argue with their squad?
Last season they reached the League Cup final with Brazilian Juninho and the excellent Spaniard Gaizka Mendieta doing the prompting. With Viduka and Hasselbaink up front, they could frighten anyone. Though how long these elegant chaps will live in the grim North East is anyone’s guess.
Now we have to examine the rear-end. Never pleasant, especially for veterinary surgeons.
Down at the bottom we will obviously have the three promoted teams: first division champions Norwich City, who have added Arsenal youngster David Bentley on loan plus a host of little signings; runners-up West Brom, with Kanu from Arsenal; and Crystal Palace, who have signed several players with names most of us can’t even spell.
All three will struggle.
But luckily for them, there will be some other prime examples of relegation fodder hanging about the foot of the Premiership.
Everton, like Leeds last season, are showing all the signs of implosion. Civil war on the board, big star (Wayne Rooney) wants to leave but Manchester United won’t sign the cheque … The great David Moyes only just kept them up last season, I think he’ll struggle to do it again this term.
Southampton too have their problems. James Beattie, their star striker, has been linked with all sorts of other clubs. Manager Paul Sturrock took the Saints to his old club Plymouth and got a bit of a hammering and I’m told former boss Glenn Hoddle is waiting in the wings for a return to the St Mary’s stadium.
Personally, I can see penny-pinching Charlton Athletic struggling, along with Fulham, who defied us all under young Chris Coleman last season.
Blackburn are in turmoil under feisty boss Graeme Souness, who appears to take training too seriously (just ask Dwight Yorke and Andy Cole, who suffered in five-a-side play) and Kevin Keegan’s Manchester City have spent a lot of money to produce a side which might just steer clear of trouble this season.
I would be too confident about Bolton’s mishmash of foreigners, though Sam Allardyce did well with them last season; former France boss Jacques Santini hasn’t exactly set the pre-season alight with Spurs, and Harry Redknapp may have to do a lot more wheeler-dealing to keep Portsmouth above mid-table.
And so it begins. We’ve got 10 sides who will battle relegation, six or seven competing for fourth of fifth place and Chelsea, Man United and Arsenal up with the gods.
Predictable? Sure. That’s why I’m praying Liverpool, Newcastle. Or even Birmingham, Aston Villa or Middlesbrough, can get among the big boys.
But don’t bet on it. Put your money on Chelsea. But not as much as Abramovich has.