Queen Manto’s loyal royal staff
It’s nice to know that Minister of Health Manto Tshabalala-Msimang has a faithful bunch of people working for her at the ministry — folk who put the interests of the nation above such petty instincts as doing a day’s work.
Lemmer’s musings were prompted by a call made recently to the Ministry of Health by a staffer at an Aids NGO, who was trying to trace an official to answer an important query. It was a Friday, and a security guard answered the phone after a few rings. Everyone’s out, he told Lemmer’s source, they all went out to welcome the minister back to Pretoria. She’d been away in Cape Town for a couple of days.
Boogie nights
Back in the olden days (that’s even before Oom Krisjan was born) drinking establishments and other places of entertainment had someone at the door whose duty it was to check that the money offered by would-be patrons was not base metal. The test was to bounce the coin on the counter, which is where the term ”bouncers” originated. The job has become a little less complicated in modern times — except, perhaps, at a new Spanish discotheque. The Allen Roc claims to have organised Europe’s first nudist disco night, with bouncers instructed not to admit anyone who refuses to boogie in the buff. Lemmer thinks that in this instance, however, ”bouncers” might not just apply to the big guys at the door.
Fullback
Lemmer suggests that this young player take up a sport that doesn’t involve having your name on your shirt.
Mangled
For those who enjoy flirting with the law, Oom Krisjan suggests a little preparation for what lies ahead. Go to www.prisonbitch name.com/ and discover what your nickname in the slammer might be. Lemmer becomes ”Mouth Mangler”, while Jacob Zuma might take the handle ”Bung Boy”.
Fawlty spellers
Minister of Finance Trevor Manuel may have the keys to the country’s coffers, but the correct spelling of his name was still beyond the organisers of the Senior Management Service Con- ference in Cape Town this week. Manuel’s name was misspelled as Manual in the Powerpoint conference schedule, looming large before the scores of civil service and handful of private sector delegates.
Below the belt
Viagra, originally developed to assist men of a certain age with their bedroom problems, is now being touted as the cure- all for blokes of all ages. But surely The Mercury is taking this a little too far?
News views
A white South African businessman on the morning flight from Johannesburg to Cape Town is reading the Daily Sun. A colleague leans over and says: ”Hey, Koos, what’s up? Why are you reading that?”
Koos replies: ”I used to read The Star, but what did I find? Whites being persecuted, whites being attacked, robbed and murdered, whites living in poverty. So I switched to the Daily Sun. Now what do I find? Whites own all the banks, whites control the media, whites are all rich and powerful, whites rule the world.
”The news is so much better.”
Hee Hee
Lemmer was amused by an advert in Business Day this week, placed by the Department of Trade and Industry (fondly called the DTI). It advertised a workshop in Gauteng dealing with black economic empower- ment (or, as they call it, BEE) with regard to women’s economic empowerment (or, again, as they call it, WEE).
So let Oom see if he’s got all the acronyms correct: the DTI is gonna talk about BEE in relation to WEE. Sounds exciting.
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