/ 4 January 2005

Clowning around

Do you remember the airplane that was shot down in Pennsylvania, on 9/11? No, me neither. However, the United States Secretary of Defence clearly does, as he referred to it during a December 24 CNN interview.

Go to the CNN transcript page, and do a search on the page for “Pennsylvania” and you’ll see the paragraph where Donald Rumsfeld has something of a Freudian slip, and refers to the people who “… shot down the plane over Pennsylvania and attacked the Pentagon”. Go to Rumsfeld Says Plane Shot Down on 9/11.

And it looks like the powers that be are getting ready to kill us in large numbers. At least that’s how I read the report in the United Kingdom Independent about the setting up of a secret terrorism agency that seems to have as its main function “decontamination” and body recovery. Read The UK’s Secret Terrorism Agency.

And still in the UK, The Telegraph is saying that the CIA construct known as al-Qaeda is planning to Attack London on New Year’s Eve.

Of course, if you do feel like some fireworks, without all the messy shrapnel and fallout, create your own fireworks display and watch it in safety, at Firework Display.

Speaking of Rumsfeld, there are actually people who hate and fear clowns. Having discovered a long time back the true alien origins of clowns, thanks to an historical document disguised as a film called Killer Klowns from Outer Space, I’m fully aware of the evil that lurks behind the grease paint. I’m not alone in this thinking, as can be seen at I Hate Clowns.

So you thought Kentucky Fried Chicken was the only “fried chicken” around? Well, you are wrong. Take a look through a large collection of wannabe fried chicken places that are doing their best to come very close to copyright infringement, at Imitation Chicken!.

Luckily Christmas is over for this year, but it’s never too late to send Santa a letter telling him what you like. Be very, very afraid as you read the list of what online internet users have been asking Santa to give them. Yes, there’s a little bit of adult material lurking here. No, don’t thank me, it’s the least I could do, really. Send A Letter to Santa.

And it’s never to late to have a good sadistic laugh at little children not understanding that a giant, red-faced fat man in a red suit and a white beard is somehow “friendly” — so browse through the pix of children reacting in the sane way to the whole “Santa” idea, at Scared of Santa Photo Gallery.

Here’s something I didn’t know. If you’ve bought anything that’s supposedly “gold” recently, consider this simple fact: if it’s less than 10 carats, then in the US, it’s not even legally considered to be gold, merely a “pretty yellow metal”. So much for all those TV ads offering “real gold” trinkets. This and other thought-provoking facts appear in an interesting article after ABC News went shopping for gold. Read How Can You Tell if Your Gold Jewellery Is Real?.

The lies and deliberate misinformation about Mars just continue to unravel. It wasn’t too long ago that Mars was said to be a dead planet. Then the cat was partly let out of the bag with the discovery of methane in the atmosphere. (This indicates — at least on Earth — biological decay.)

Now there is the admission by science that Mars May Be Geologically Active. And lately, the next step is fast approaching — the “discovery” of free-standing water. (It’s a basic premise of planetary exploration that if there’s water, there’s life.) Take a look at this pic from Mars, and tell me this isn’t a lake of water on the bottom right of the pic: Mars Lake.

If you’re curious to see a lot more authentic Nasa pictures that show Mars in a way that the media generally don’t, do yourself a favour and spend time at Mars Unearthed. (The lengthy list of authentic and Nasa-linked pictures that show a Mars you have never seen before can be found in the Selected Images Archive.)

Okay, fatties, National Lampoon has the perfect diet for you. Forget the pills, try the ultra-simple diet that ought to have you bent over in pain within a day or two — and thoroughly gaunt (if you live, that is) by day 30. Go read The Iceberg Lettuce and Coffee Diet.

For the rest of you who aren’t that worried about the dieting thing, if you had to make a list of 50 things to eat before you die, what kind of goodies would be on the list? I know my list of things to eat would range from that blonde kids’ TV presenter Carly to Nastassia Kinski. But that’s just me.

Other people seem to prefer “food” on lists like that. Go have a look at the weirdly banal things people have listed as being on their wish lists (which kind of makes one wonder what exactly they have been eating, all their lives. Go stare at 50 Things to Eat Before You Die.

Yet more regrettable lists. This time it’s the turn of tech objects you shouldn’t have bought. Go read PC Magazine‘s Ten to Avoid: The Worst Products of the Year.

Some of you might remember the lossy storage and playback mechanism known as “records” (or “vinyl”). In fact, just to make you feel really old, think about the fact that there’s a whole generation of kids around who have never even seen a record.

But one of the biggest and coolest album covers ever was the Sgt Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band record, with its collage of famous people’s pix. Perfect for those nights when the bong was being passed around, and everyone was trying to work out who the hell was who on the cover. Finally those days of confusion are over. For a nice image map of info on every person on the Sgt Pepper album, go to Faces in the Crowd.

Who said you can’t buy love at discount prices? You’ve heard of eBay — now try the childless couple version, eBaby!.

Total destruction of things always appeals to the human spirit, despite all whiney reassurances to the contrary. I mean, take this next site for instance, which has a wide collection of clips and pix of buildings going boom. Go indulge your secret anarchic urges at Implosion World.

“And if you’re Pisces, the time has come to pull the plug on that machine that’s been keeping your granny alive for the last six months.” For those of you who somehow can’t take responsibility for your own lives and choices, and prefer to blame mystical alleged alignments of the stars for your own mistakes, load up on even more assorted things to point towards as being responsible for your life, at Old Superstitions.

In case you had the simplistic idea that the only beliefs which humans have had in their long history are a tiny handful that range from Christianity on one end to Islam and Buddhism on the other, go browse through the awesome online resource that is an encyclopedia of mythology, folklore and religion — bookmark The Encyclopedia Mythica.

Then, for history of a different kind — published in-house by the National Security Agency (NSA) in 1990, this report was classified top secret, until a month or so back. It covers the origins and history of the all-powerful and highly secretive NSA. It’s 8 megs in size, so rather right click and save than simply open it. If you’re curious to learn about the top-secret history of an agency that’s even more shadowy than the CIA, try The Origins of the National Security Agency, 1940-1952.

More free stuff, and this time it actually could be fun. Need some old, easy-to-run games on your PC? Then reach back to a simpler time and go grab the goodies at Abandonline.

And now you’ve discovered that old retro games are rather fun and cool, and take up very little space, start increasing your collection and see what genres you like at Half Time Games.

An eclectic record label turned 25 this year, and there are assorted freebie mp3s lurking on its site. As these are the folks who’ve released everyone from Jello Biafra to the Dead Kennedys, it could be worth the trouble to see what downloadable things are available. Try Alternative Tentacles.

Okay, kids, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to destroy your parents’ kitchen utterly — and to use the excuse of “science” as a reason. To help you reduce the once clean and shiny kitchen to a smoking ruin as fast as possible, load up on excuses and projects at Bizarre Stuff You Can Make In Your Kitchen.

If you need some decent alibis to justify why you’ve just killed your parents’ kitchen, find suitable stuff to befuddle and irritate the outraged rulers of your world at The Science of Cooking. And staying with science, which doesn’t suck half as much as science-teachers tend to, go see what fun things you can create with your geek kid at Science Toys.

Art stuff — but depending on your political viewpoint, you might also just call it “desecration of public space by stupid dumb-asses with spray cans”. Go browse through the interesting graffiti at Asylm.

Here’s something oddly cool. A library of books created by authors inside other books. Imaginary books referred to in “real” books. Keep your voice down and have a stroll through The Invisible Library.

Curious to see what strange and wondrous things inventors have come up with? To see what happens when loonies-with-a-vision has to write down and detail their invention to meet government patent office requirements, browse Patently Silly.

If you have the problem (assuming you think it’s a problem) of people saying you look like someone famous, then maybe it’s time to do something about it. Yup, submit your picture to this site that collects up pix of folks who allegedly look like celebs. Go stare at the oddly interesting site known as People Say I Look Like.

A blog for the rich! For those of you clever folk who have been following the ongoing ups and downs of the Mail & Guardian Online‘s own growing pool of online bloggers, here’s yet another blogsite to make you drool in envy. It’s specifically about — and I quote — “obsessively covering luxury products”. Keep an eye on the rand-dollar exchange rate and perv away at the bling-bling of the rich at Luxist.

Finally, as we’re in the enviously-staring-through-the-glass mode, there’s a world of yummy, clickable, expensive and fiddly gadgets to be sniffed over, at Uber Gizmo!.

Until the next time, if clowns don’t get me.