The vodka route

Whenever I travel — and when in polite society — I use a poached-eggs index to ascertain the overall quality of the place — by scoring the state in which the egg arrives at my table. My private, and more accurate, measure though, is that of the American oil baron JD Rockefeller, who once said: “Before choosing your hotel, order a martini. Then you’ll know about the quality of the establishment.”

I remember embarking on an adventure into the Marine Highway of Alaska and, once settled on the boat, I did my survival check. I headed for the packed bar. “Very dry, honey?” the seasoned barmaid responded to my request for a martini, straight up. Then, as I nodded my head, she said, “in other words, a mere molecule of vermouth”. I was in safe hands.

My best place in Africa to have a vodka drink — the Kenyan Dawa in this case — is at the Tamarind in Nairobi. But then I’m utterly biased — I was freshly in love the first time I went there.

As it happens, I think Nairobi has some of the best restaurants in Africa. I will never forget the Tamarind for its ginger crab, eaten slowly and interspersed by the grinding of the lime into the vodka and sweetest of honeys. Slurp.

I’m passionate about my subject and have done a lot of fieldwork in Africa. For the most part the establishments are very au fait with vodka — and, in particular, with the Dawa. Gin and tonic also feature, but more in the countries where the colonials lurk on tea plantations and in bars.

Look, Africa ain’t for sissies. We don’t bother with long drinks — like vodka mixed with fruit juices. A request for tonic water can elicit a glazed look. Conversely, honey is plentiful, as is lime or lemon. So if you can’t find vermouth for your martini, a lemon is always at hand.

In Nairobi, The Stanley is great for imbibing on the deep veranda, watching the oldsters gossiping about departed enemies. The Serena has excellent Dawas, but not as many colonials. Rather there are serious-looking business people with heads close together at (a dry) lunch, or designer shirts undone, propping up the bar for sundowners.

Further afield is Elsa’s Kopje in the Meru National Park to the east of Mount Kenya. It is intimate, with sublime Italian food and, of course, superlative cocktails.

One of my best experiences was an early morning balloon flight from Governor’s Camp over the Mara, landing in a wide, monochromatic basin, with two Masai warriors and the cloth on the long, low table adding a touch of red — oh, and the red of the Bloody Marys that were handed to us as we landed.

In Zanzibar, which we visited with a rather disparate group of people, we stayed at the Zanzibar Beach Hotel on the east coast of the island. An eccentric older man in our group harrumphed when a few of us went jogging the first morning we were there. He believes every human being is given only so many steps to take in a lifetime. He’d rather save his while sampling the cocktails at the bar overlooking the ocean.

In Cameroon I had one of my strangest meals ever — whole python steamed in banana leaves. But there are a number of excellent restaurants in the two major cities of Yaounde and Douala. The wine lists are lightweight, but the vodka plentiful. Their fresh pineapple juice a sublime complement.

Mozambique, too, is light on the wine if you’re not fond of the Portuguese varieties. There are good cocktails at Marlin Lodge on the Bazaruto Archipelago and at Indigo Bay in the same, sublime area.

Dugong Lodge, set in the Vilanculos Coastal Wildlife Sanctuary on 300 000ha of pristine marine and wildlife territory, is where emergency supplies of tomato juice had to be brought in. But that’s another story.

In the postage-stamp-sized country of Sao Tome and Principe is an idyllic Garden of Eden island where you walk along a suspended bridge to get to the dining room on an even smaller island. Here both vodka and tonic are plentiful. Beer? Yup. Wine? Forget about it.

Other places with dependable vodka cocktails? The Ngorogoro Crater Lodge in Tanzania; the Wharf in Seychelles; the Colbert in Antananarivo, Madagascar … you make your own list.

The lowdown