Mzie Peter Ngcume recalls an incident which turned horribly smelly
One of the educators at our school in Khayelitsha was a funny little fellow.
He was short, clean-shaven and walked with a slight limp. He had a peculiar nose, which was hooked a little to the side and would twitch from side to side. He was an eyesore, really ugly. He had spectacles with thick lenses, without them he was as blind as a bat. He had a very loose set of false teeth, which tended to fall out of his mouth, whenever he make a joke. He was an obnoxious little fellow whose jokes often left a bad taste in the mouths of his associates. He was the most mischievous teacher I have ever known. Wherever he went, there was bound to be trouble.
It was very rare to find him at work on a Monday. On the days he was present, he would be smelling of liquor.
One day he was seen standing along the fence outside the school. He had not been to school for two days and had not submitted a report as to why he was absent. The principal spotted him and he ran away from the scene. The following day, he came to school. The principal decided not to confront him about his lack of commitment. He then said: “See, my muti works”. We all laughed our heads off.
There was an episode that will remain entrenched in my mind. He was in one of his jocular moods. He was about to deliver a lesson in grade five. He let out a crescendo-like sound which was followed by a putrid smell. Suddenly the wide grin on his face was replaced by horror, and he lost his colour. Immediately the learners realised that something was very wrong. To the learner’s amazement, he literally froze in one place. Something terrible had gone wrong. With the sound and the smell, a trail of smelly watery human faeces seeped through from his pants. For a moment everyone in class was astounded and quiet. Then one of the bigger boys in class suddenly realised what just happened. He screamed: “U tich Uzirhudele” meaning the teacher had messed himself. Apparently he was not aware that he had diarrhea. He stood there, not moving.
The joke was on him at last.
If this could not embarrass him, nothing would. To extricate himself from the embarrassing situation, the principal summoned the caretaker who had a house in the schoolyard and requested him to lend the teacher his pair of trousers. When he started to move, he left a trail of smelly – you know what – in his wake on his way to the change room.
Do you think that that incident made him change his terrible attitude? Think again. A leopard does not change its spots.
Send us your “A Day in My Life”, with a photograph, and if we publish it, we will pay you R700. [email protected]
– The Teacher/M&G Media, Johannesburg, December 2001.