We all hold certain beliefs about money, but have we stopped to think where these beliefs come from? Our parents? Teachers? Friends? Or do they form part of received wisdom, the collective knowledge we all have, expressed in phrases like “Money doesn’t grow on trees” — which, in effect, means that money is hard to come by?
But is money really hard to come by? Why do we believe that to be true? For some people, it’s not hard to come by. For others, it’s hard to come by but easy to lose. For some of us, money is hard to come by, but do we think that this will always and invariably be the case in our life?
The more important question here is: “How do my beliefs about money affect the way I live today? Are my beliefs holding me back?”
In some ways, we hold certain beliefs by agreement, because we are part of a larger financial system that’s been around for centuries. We know we have to work hard for our money because expensive items “cost an arm and a leg”. If we’re not careful to “keep the wolf from the door” we could be gobbled up, metaphorically speaking.
Some of these expressions index a painful reality — we are physically threatened without money, which “keeps body and soul together” and means we get to keep the shirts on our backs!
Having more money is what we should all aspire to, because it will “fix things”, giving us physical and emotional security. We all know the expression: “Money won’t buy you happiness, but you can at least be miserable in style.” The perception is that it’s better to have money than not to have it, no matter what our emotional state.
This of course leads us to pursue the pursuit of money. We take the Lotto, or go to the races (or gamble in casinos) — or we enter reality
TV shows so we can win a million. We want a quick route to money because it will answer our prayers. Or will it?
The belief exercise
Take a pen and paper and try this belief exercise. List some of the “money sayings” you’re familiar with. There are a lot of them, so make as comprehensive a list as you like. Try these hints, too:
- I think money is ______________
- Rich people are ______________
- I’m not rich because __________
- When I think about money, I feel _______________
- I really want ________________
Now go back over your answers. Don’t think of these beliefs as being right or wrong, true or false. Rather, see how each statement makes
you feel. Have you responded positively, from a position of strength? Or do some of the statements make you feel weak, helpless, out of control?
Perhaps some of your statements make you feel that you have been disempowered. This probably says something about you. When you look in the mirror, do you say, “It’s great to be me?” or “If only I could lose 5kg …?” The same applies to money. Do you look into your wallet and say, “Oh no, only R20! I have no money, I just can’t hold on to it, why am I so weak-willed?” Or, “Look, R20. Let me hold on to that, it’s almost the end of the month but I might need it.”
Simply put, are you grateful for what you have, or are you dwelling on what you don’t have or wish you had?
The nice thing about beliefs is that they can change
What you believe today may not be what you believe tomorrow. We are capable of changing our minds, our thoughts and our beliefs. This exercise has probably made you aware of how you feel about money. Now, can you change some of the beliefs that make you uncomfortable?
Notice how you give your money power to others when you talk to them, for example. If a telesales person catches you unawares and tries to sell you a product, do you say, “I’m sorry, I don’t have the money right now,” or “I’m sorry, that’s not in my budget.”?
You’ll notice that when you say you don’t have money, your mind will latch on to that feeling of powerlessness, helplessness, being out of control. But when you state that you haven’t budgeted for the purchase, you immediately feel safe, in control — because, really, nobody can argue with that, can they? You have a budget and you intend sticking to it. You’re someone who projects an image of confidence, power.
Of course, there may be no difference in financial situation between the person who says they don’t have money and the person who says they have a budget. But who appears to be the more “together” person?
So what we tell ourselves — and others — about money tends to define who we think we are. And our beliefs do tend to have some bearing on our circumstances.
The trick is to revisit your belief structure and question some of the fundamental beliefs about money that you take for granted. Ask yourself if you can change how you talk about money to yourself. It’s very likely you can do so, with a little practice.
Once you’ve reframed how you think about money, you can start looking at how “okay” you are right now — look at what you have to be grateful for and what you have worked hard to achieve. Acknowledge what you have done thus far and consider what you might do tomorrow to maintain this feeling of well-being and powerfulness you experience when you think of how “all right” you actually are.
I have a client who is owed a lot of money and, as a result, when he gets demands from service providers he feels absolutely helpless and overwhelmed. He lets the threat of financial guilt and frustration overwhelm him. However, when I sat down with this client and we went over his business prospects, his situation was not a bad one. He had a lot of work lined up and he was managing his business well. Once he reframed the situation, he was able to step back from it and think, “I’m all right now and will be in the future.” He simply didn’t allow worry to overwhelm him and ruin his day.
Our beliefs and thoughts can harm or help us — what we tell ourselves can either limit or uplift us. Ultimately, we have to know, inside ourselves, that we are worthy and deserving. Once we accept this principle, we can invite the power of abundance into our lives. But it won’t come if we don’t believe that it can and will. Once our beliefs are clear, dynamic and positive, we can take appropriate and corresponding action.
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