Fifty-eight-year-old Thandabantu Simelane* is the oldest son of a polygamous family of 20 children in KwaZulu-Natal. Now a respected academic, this is his account of his home life: “My father had three wives, with his first being my mother. My grandfather had five wives and all my uncles also entered into several marriages with different women.
“When my father took his other two wives, I understood it to be with the permission of my mother. It’s not like today, where you’ll find a husband just dictating to his current wives that he will be taking another, whether they like it or not.
Somewhere along the line men got the idea that it was their right to simply take more wives as a sign of their wealth and success.
“In the old days, the induna or chief of that region also made sure whoever was taking on another wife had the resources to support her as well as the prospective children who could be sired from that marriage.
“Often you will even find one of the wives in the marriage suggesting the husband takes another wife, so that she can share the load.
“For some time, my father’s three wives all stayed in the same household, but they eventually dispersed to various households around KwaZulu-Natal. My father was never beholden to them in terms of where he chose to stay for any period of time, but he cared for and loved them all.
“There were times when my father’s wives did not get along, but they always respected the hierarchy of those that came before them.
“I always understood the practice to be a preventative measure against acquiring mistresses. Polygamy is a way in which a Zulu man simply formalises his relationship with someone he loves instead of having an endless string of girlfriends.
“Although it is still an accepted practice, nowadays it is a bit more complicated and you need to practice it with great care. Anyone within a polygamous marriage or relationship should regularly test for things like HIV and make sure they can care equally for all of their wives.
* His name has been changed because of family pressures