/ 18 April 2019

Find your P-spot, bro

(John McCann)
(John McCann)


Pegging. Surprisingly, it’s not an act by pirate on the high seas, but a sex act involving a strap-on, lube and dismantling conventional gender norms. It’s a dynamic-flipping sex act in which a woman uses a strap-on or strapless dildo to have anal sex with a man.

Arguably, the world is becoming more sexually (re)aware. People are experimenting with kink, sex toy shops have moved out of the dingy and dark and become something fun and funky and, for all you know, your neighbour could have a sex swing or two. People are arguably more open to trying new things.

But one thing that has seemingly not taken popular culture by storm à la 50 Shades is pegging.

There are a variety of reasons for this. There is the argument that sex toys, especially extremely phallic ones, make the man in heterosexual sexual acts uncomfortable. Another, more compelling argument is that in a world of toxic masculinity and homophobia, having a man be submissive to that extent is tampering with the very fabric of reality.

It is something not to be done. Suddenly the “what if I am gay because I enjoy it?” question starts swimming about. Sex and the way it plays out (even in queer spaces) is gendered to such an extent that the idea of receiving as a masculine entity is far outside many people’s realm of understanding.

But pegging, frightening as it may seem, is an act that can potentially lead to a realm of pleasure and there are several reasons to try it.

One of the first reasons is to broaden your horizons. Eat octopus, try bungee jumping, travel to a remote mountain village and camp in the woods, get pegged by your girlfriend. Live life. Trying something that is outside of your comfort zone allows you to chip away at the walls that limit experiences and pleasure and paves the way for trying something different. It will allow you to discover new things your body is into, new ways that you can experience the sorts of sensations that make you taste colours and hear smells.

The fact of the matter is you — gasp, shock — might enjoy it. Pegging is an act that can be pleasurable for both partners and is not something limited to queer women whose strap game is at premier league levels. For male partners this would be a good time to remember that the prostate is in the anus. There is even a name for it: the P-spot.

One must reiterate that a sexual act does not change your sexual orientation.

With people’s sexual identity markers being such a core part of them (I am a straight dude bro, through and through), being mislabelled in terms of one’s sexual and gender identity can cause great emotional harm no matter what your sexual identity.

It is thus important to note that one’s (consensual) sexual activities does not a person make, so you will still be able to stamp your membership card at the next meeting of Heterosexual Men United Against Climate Change. You can still be the straight male you identify as.

It is a good way of getting more into the mind of your partner as a heterosexual man.

One woman wrote of her experience, saying: “Seeing my partner, who was a big, buff ‘manly man’, in such a receptive and somewhat vulnerable sexual state was such a beautiful and liberating experience for both of us.”

Charlie Glickman, author of The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure: Erotic Exploration for Men and Their Partners, wrote an article titled How Pegging Can Help Save the World. In it he said men who tried pegging “were more in tune with what their female partner needed from them during penetration”.

Trying pegging can actually make you a better lover.

Trying something new also allows both partners to open channels of communication. Pegging, or any sexual act for that matter, is not something one must just spring on another human being. A conversation should and must be had. Thus, even if you do not actually try pegging, the fact that this was a conversation you were able to have with a sexual partner makes for a happier, healthier sexual environment between the two of you, which could open up conversations about other things. Wanted to try that thing with the fruit and a feather? You can now talk about it. Into the idea of wearing French lace knickers while getting spanked? It could be on the table. Saw that thing online that time when you accidentally clicked a link? Bring that on over here and let’s talk about it.

Pegging can open up new ways of thinking about and engaging with your sex. It allows you to unpack the ideas you have about why a man cannot be the recipient of pleasure, why they cannot be the one who sex is given to, thus pushing the notion of what sex and pleasure can be.

Also, you might just enjoy it.

Kagure Mugo is the co-founder and full-time curator of HOLAAfrica!